Thursday, July 31, 2008
Hope you all have a great month off and please think of us fondly as you sit on the beach or your couch or wherever the next few weeks.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
We Wrote A Song Called "Death To ExamSoft" To The Tune of The SoftTest Tech Support Hold Synthesizer Musak...
We write to you during our third attempt to get through to a SoftTest tech support person (and by "a" person, we apparantly mean "the" person since there must be no more than one). When we did the whole auto-upload, we got a big fat error message for our AM message. We then tried the manual upload, and...you guessed it, no luck.
From 6-6:41, we stayed on hold, hoping that everytime the automated voice interruped the insufferable hold "musak" that it was an actual person. Instead, it was some woman telling us to check our exam upload history online. Um, thanks, we did that bee-yotch, and it's not there.
Did we mention that this hold music makes us want to die? We don't get it, did they go home for the day?
At least there was no earthquake in NYC today, so I guess we have something to be thankful for...although that option is seeming better right now.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Anyway, we know what you are all thinking at this point, and we will all be fine, don't you worry my little reader(ship). Everyone has worked hard, even if that hard work included blogging or reading this blog, eating non-stop, napping, and incessant complaining. In fact, we have been destined for this day since birth, as shown by the 1984 New Yorker cartoon to the left (slash who among us was born in 1984 besides JF?) (Also, please don't tell on us for committing copyright infringement).
We urge you all to take the evening off and watch some Hills reruns or catch up on Project Runway and not to think too hard about how miserable the next two days will be. We hope you see you all well rested and ready to bring it in the early hours of dawn. Best of luck to all.
Friday, July 25, 2008
We begin our expose with those who have decidedly chosen against economy and green-ness, and have retained larger than life flashcards for their larger than life personas.
Despite his Canadian roots, CG has basically said "F. you" to the environment and cost-consciousness as he travels around the study area flaunting these monstrous 4x6 flashcards, leaving many Bar takers to wonder how sustainable such practices really are.
In addition to making our lives miserable with books and books of impossible questions, PMBR also chose to make some people's daily lives difficult - those who were lucky enough to get their hands on them had to carry around these gi-normous flashcards, (note: also with impossible questions)...
FishWatch himself went for a more middle ground option, with the standard 3x5 flashcards, balancing cost, environmental friendliness, and the need to pack in as much info as humanly possible on each since we made so few...
but at least we can look good learning.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
JH's mom shipped him more jelly bellies, Swedish fish, and peachy penguins after he single handedly ate the entire previous shipment. At least this time he decided to share...
When we went to visit people in other parts of the war zone to see how they were holding up, we were confronted with this...
We are praying for passage for everyone, if only because candy and cookies are marked up 200% or so in February b/c of Valentine's Day...
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Essay Grade: 2 and 1/2
The issue is whether FW will survive this week. (1/2 - you may also want to raise the issue of breaking out or not being able to sleep.)
In New York, people who sit in one place, complain non stop, eat constantly and fall asleep on the carpet under the desk often don't survive. (1/2 - The rule is also that excessive iced coffee intake also leads to a lack of survival.)
In this case, FW has sat in one place for hours, complained incessantly, eaten an entire box of trader joe's wheat thins that were not even his, and fallen asleep under the desk leaving carpet burns on his face. (1 point - OK analysis, but needs more.)
Thus, it is likely he will not survive this week. (1/2 point - HOW? Explain this here.)
Grader Comments: More IRAC. Be better at spotting issues.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
We asked 100 people in the Law Libes, Who Wore It Best?
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
At the beginning of class, regional regional assistant director E.Fine said that we are going to have the best vacation of our lives in August, even if it only involves our backyard, a keg, and a straw. Did this sound amazing to anyone else? We might just rearrange our August plans.
Additionally, all this talk of "registry" and "children" really did make us want to find a husband, go to Williams Sonoma with the bar code gun, and draft our very own New York Times Wedding Announcement. We texted JF to see if she wanted to register too, but she noted that no one was going to want to get engaged to people in danger of failing the Bar.
Finally, we are so happy we are caught up to speed on divorce since we plan to push for the clinical law program here to start a celebrity divorce clinic, and hire us as clinic fellow. Will keep you posted.
Monday, July 14, 2008
This seems very appropriate and also conveniently located. Too bad we were still beaching it and taking things easy back on June 21st. Had this seminar been held this week, however, we would certainly have attended since the panic and depression have really set in.
This weekend we were pretty close to Brokedown Palace (BDP) mode as we reviewed our outlines right before doing practice qs and still got them all wrong. On Friday we almost lost it when at dinner at BLT Burger, we were reviewing Corps flashcards, and some douchey banker types who were talking about risk allocation turned to us and said sarcastically, "your conversation is really scintillating, what the F are you doing." We are sorry, we were not CHOOSING to talk finance on a Friday night, unlike you people, so don't mock us. We then asked them a question about stock record dates and they got it wrong, so we felt better. Also the fries and double milkshake (with whipped cream) made us feel better (as JH says, you can eat anything you want during Bar prep).
The next two weeks are going to be dark people, so prepare yourself. Anyone who did attend the above seminar, please chime in with helpful tips.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Anyone who can find the blog that says a kitten dies everytime she sings gets a free P-Franz T-shirt, pictured, as we plan to have a full on blogger war with said blog.
Also, as we went to grab some food, we were attacked by a pack of wild, ferocious poodles! We kid you not (photos below!). Alas, there were only 3 of them, and Mad FIFI3 just doesn't have that same ring to it, so we didn't even practice our pneumonic...
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
What you did not know was that not all "Exits" at the Javitz Center are actually "Exits." Like the one ND, JH and we walked out of during the lunch break on Sunday. When we went out of the door marked with a big "Exit" sign, we entered what seemed to be the aftermath of nuclear war, where only roaches and aspiring lawyers could survive. When we continued walking, we, and all the other lemmings we followed, realized we were trapped! See, e.g., infra:
Can you imagine if this was actual Bar day? These people would be SHRIEKING in anger and stress.
Luckily our beach diet finally paid off, and we were able to escape. Others were not so lucky...
After bombing the fake MBE, we followed regional regional director guy's advice, and went to the bar he suggested to go to, with many lovely F.U. friends. Best part - regional regional director guy showed up, and we met him in person! It was kind of like finally meeting Pierre Capretz from the French in Action videos in college...
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Not exactly what we wanted to hear.
Friday, June 27, 2008
According to a new city Health Department study, one in four adults in New York City has genital per stirpes.
Twenty-six percent of citizens who live in the five boroughs are walking around with per stirpes, a full 7 percent above the natural average. Here in NYC, the rate is even higher among FU Law Students, BBri Administrators, and gay men. (If any of you are all three, good luck to you).
Be safe this Pride Weekend, y'all. We are off to the beach. Again. (Failure).
Thursday, June 26, 2008
JH then has FishWatch write out a Will for him on a Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheet, saying "I leave Fishwatch my uhm-pire red Kitchen Aid Standing Mixer," signs it, and has two witness sign too. See below.
JH then asks for another Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheet. Reluctant at first, FishWatch notices some shine on JH's nose and acquiesces. JH then secretly writes, "I Hereby Revoke Will #1!!!" and signs it. Below the signature, he writes, "I leave my standing mixer and Fee Simple to J.F." as shown below.
FishWatch then dies of boredom. What result?
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Please let us know if you have found other such uses for these books as reduce/reuse/recycle should be the theme of all of our lives during these green times.
These screens are equipped with the ability to increase the height, but why
Also, that IS FishWatch on the taskbar! Caught.
Monday, June 23, 2008
- Did anyone go to “Essay Advantage?” We know you did, so spill, and tell us what kind of people attended.
- “Studying” at the beach is very, very difficult. As always, we brought every single book we could carry and got through approximately 1-2 pages. We did bring the Yellow testing book this time, which went very well with our new green hand me down Vilebrequin, but is now full of sand in addition to its un-annotated pages.
- When you go away for the weekend, you take it as license to eat every single carbohydrate in sight. We are not kidding, on Saturday, we had 2 bagels, a Buttercup bakery cupcake, a donut, and 2-3 of those Levain bakery cookies that are purposefully undercooked on the inside. That was in addition to the 2 shrimp baskets and fried clams. We can only wonder what JH and JF ate on their respective weekend trips, but silence is basically an admission in this matter, so we assume the worst.
- In other news, today we went to the afternoon class (um, we actually had things to do this morning), and noticed a few gems. Apparently VH214 Afternoon Session has a “Bar Mustache Club,” in the same vein as November Beard Club, or other such facial hair oriented organizations. We imagine they are growing them out until July 31st. Three men sit in the back and stroke said mustaches in unison for the entire lecture, and we are seriously thinking of joining them.
- Some preppy girls in front of us today apparently know a “John Smith” who imputes “unchastity” to women, and simultaneously suffers from a loathsome disease, as anytime Potty Mouth Torts Prof used John Smith in a hypo in the abovementioned categories, they looked at each other and started laughing uncontrollably.
- It’s really defamation to say someone is gay in
? Um, we are screwed (see Wednesday’s post). Luckily, as we learned, truth is a defense, and we have that handy chart to offer into evidence, which should meet a clear and convincing, or at least preponderance of the evidence standard. New York
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
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Monday, June 16, 2008
As we sat doing practice questions outside the gate (yes we know regional regional director guy told us to practice perfectly, not during transit), we noticed many eyes looking our way, wondering what this big green volume was that was engrossing us so, and both loved and feared all the attention.
As we sat down in 10C, continuing with evidence set 1 (OK that is a lie, we are WAY farther behind than that), we noticed a cute southern boy making his way down the aisle. "Wouldn't it be nice if he were in 10D," we thought to ourselves. Lo(han) and behold, he stood next to us and said "ex-cyoosee me," as we rose to let him in to sit by the window.
"Whatchya stud-yin," he asked, in a sweet southern drawl as his blue eyes peered over the set of questions.
"Oh, we are taking the Bar exam this summer."
"[Redacted Southern State] or New Jersey," he asked (we were flying into Newark, so we forgive him).
"Actually New York," we responded.
"Oh, I hear that is a hard one. I took a law class once, it was fun, but not for me."
"And what do you do?"
"I am an accountant," he said.
"Oh, well at least you are of a learn-ed profession, and get the benefit of the statutes of limitations for any malpractice you may commit." OK, we didn't say that, but were impressed we remembered. We returned to our studying.
Upon landing in Newark, some lawyer looking people on the AirTrain looked over at us and literally pointed and laughed.
An old man at the NJ Transit stop said to us out of the blue, "Good luck on the exam."
At this point, it was getting ridiculous, so we were quite glad to go straight to a place where we blended in just fine - the afternoon session of B-bri.
We knew it was going to be much more chill than the AM when we walked in and Tiger Woods was on the screen playing a round at Torey Pines instead of the draconian cell phone warning (which might be why 2 cell phones went off during the K lecture). But it was confirmed when people walked in late and none of the administrators yelled at them for their Passes. Also, no one minded when we ate the v. intense Indian lunch mom packed for us this morning.
That being said, the lack of crazyness in the room meant we took 0 notes and learned nothing about K. Back to the am grind tomorrow, where we hope the bottled up anxiety and will inspire us to carry MPQ1 out to Beige tomorrow night. See all of you there - just bring the yellow book please so we don't look too matchy matchy.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
And gays there were. Two gay couples in fact, about our mom’s age. We were fascinated and thrilled. The hostess was a lovely woman who grew up first in a small Jewish community in Calcutta followed by a small Jewish community in Beverly Hills, who at one point screamed, "Can I help it if I love my gay friends?" On the other hand, she liked to call Obama an anti-Semite, which we gays did NOT like, and we all fought back in between the risotto and churrasco with chimichurri. Also present was a straight (married) interior designer, who kept talking to us about “chicks” and how we must be loving NYC cause there are so many of them there and that we should redesign our apartment in dark tones and clean lines to lure them in. Really?
Everyone said the F word a lot and drank heavily (and asked about the Bar and whether we were taking a class!). Our mom, of course, embarrassingly brought up our a cappella past, which the gays loved. At the end of the night, Gay #3 said that he and Gay #4 had to leave since they had yoga in the morning and Gay #1 said that he and Gay #2 had to make brunch for their friend with whom they did a lot coke in the 70s. (Reminder, this was all in front of our Mom, who is drunk after a 1/2 glass of zinfindel). The hostess pointed out that Obams did a lot of coke. “And so we heart him,” the gays said on the way out.
Yes, yes, we know it is Father’s Day, but this post is basically to give a huge shout out to Mom, who has somehow moved out of the New York area and down south only to become a fag-hag. And so we heart her.
Friday, June 13, 2008
- We started blogging again.
- We started breaking out again.
- We were victimized by the emerging competitive spirit (they did tell us to adopt First Year Mentality, no? Some people took it to heart).
- Does anyone else think M.Simms (Evidence, Crim) is kind of hot? Also he has 5 kids. Do you prefer "DILF" or "FILF"? He became less good looking though, when he told us today to stop slacking off starting....now. (Monday maybe?)
- His accents, though, need some coaching. Maybe PFran can help. Also, one should never joke about Lindsay Lohan dying (Hypos 43-44, Dead Man's Statute). We are thinking he will be played by Eric Bana in "B-Bri, the Movie Musical."
- Leo Lakin (NY Essay Workshop) needs to start drinking with a straw since that slurping pop sound when he sips his water is truly gross. Also, did anyone catch his fingers up in the air whenever he said a number? "6" required two hands, which, thankfully for us meant he was not drinking water for that brief moment. Leo reminded us that this exam is in seven (two hands in the air people!) weeks, which prompted our room to start booing. (Power to the people). He will, as JH pointed out, be played by John McLaughlin of the McLaughlin Group in his first acting role.
- On a side note, DK texted us from the beach this morning where he was purportedly "studying" and "doing practice problems." Hate.
- We are off to Mom and Dad's (no where near the beach) tomorrow morning to lock ourselves in a room for 48 hours and start learning the law, (with food breaks every 1-2 hours, of course). We will try our best to catch up since we are getting sort of tired of lying to CH every time he asks us if we are up to speed. Wish us luck.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Just the other day, we went with some peeps to the gross (slash delicious) Diner near our downtown B-bri location, and ordered the Turkey Burger (Deluxe, natch). When the burgers arrived, we were sad to see that we got the gross ends of the tomato, while RS got nice big central pieces. He eyed his pieces but proceeded to eat his burger without them. When we asked if we could have his, he raised his eyebrow and said “sure,” which we thought was very nice of him. Only when we returned to the Libes did we read on the internets that tomatoes now have salmonella! We can only assume that RS tried to inflict us purposefully with tomato ‘nella (ay ay ay) so we become dreadfully ill and can no longer study for the Bar.
JH has also been caught up in the competitive spirit of the last 48 hours. He has started making flashcards, but has purposefully handwritten them extremely sloppily so as to prevent us from ever being able to read them or make any use of them. Additionally, he has made many muffins over the last few days but has only shared one with us so as to prevent us from being able to pay attention during the lecture because we are so starving all the time. We also now are starting to think that his and JF’s push to get us to blog again is simply an attempt to distract us from the famed "paced program."
We hope these acts of betrayal and backstabbing soon end as we really need all the support, encouragement, and non-tomato ‘nella infested snacks we can get at this point.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
BarPimpleWatch sadly begins at home, since we had our first bout with BarPimples (plural!) last week. Luckily they arrived JUST in time for our 5th Year College Reunion, the point of which, by the way, is to show everyone how much you have improved since college. (Yeah, that didn't happen for some of us, but at least our de-provement was just external and also didn't involve methamphetamines).
Also, our BarPimples provided a nice topic of conversation for some people. Behold:
FW: Hello [Redacted]! Great seeing you.
[Redacted]: OMG great to see you too.
(FW and [Redacted] engage in the "where are you, what are you up to" talking points.)
Enter AR, friend of FW.
[Redacted]: Hey AR!
AR: Hey…youuuuuuuuu (clearly not remembering [Redacted]).
[Redacted]: How are you? Great to see you.
AR: Yeah. (Searching for something to say). Ummmmmmm...wow FW, you have pimples!
JF also texted us last week informing us of her first BarPimple, so it is not unique to downtown locations. She also said she is planning a Note topic examining the rise in Accutane prescriptions and ProActiv orders within a 5 mile radius of B-Bri locations in June and July over the last five years. We wish her well.