Monday, September 11, 2006

Brrr....It's Cold in Here, There Must Be Some FishWatch in the Blogosphere...

Since I missed blogging and you missed having another blog to read as you pretend to pay attention in class, come visit me as I guest blog for the next few months at The FAGAT Guide. It's more "gay" and less "law school," even though "law school" is pretty "gay." Enjoy.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Since there are no 25 y/o's at F.U. looking to buy FishWatch for $10mil....

I know there has been a lot of talk recently about this Jared Kushner character, the 25 y/o NYU Law student who bought the New York Observer, but I am going to talk some more. As my friend FHC has pointed out, we all hoped, for the sake of our sanity and self-esteem, that this kid would be short and pimply. Sadly, however, he is in fact tall, handsome, loaded, went to Harvard, AND is Jewish. (JF almost died when I told her all this, but really died when I told her that he already has a girlfriend. Sadly for me, the "they're either gay or taken" rule has been once again been right, but in the completely wrong way.)

This all gets me thinking. Why have no tall, handsome, smart, loaded, Jewish 3Ls at F.U. offered $10 mil or so to buy FishWatch? Much like the Observer, this blog is a "great branding opportunity" with "great potential." This blog also puts out "first-rate journalism" and has been regarded "both for its journalistic integrity and irreverent wit." WHERE IS MY JARED!???!!!

With this question in mind, it is with great sadness that I have decided to follow Mr. Kushner to NYU Law School to see if FishWatch has any chance with him, or his checkbook. FishWatch will be taking most of August off (just like Parisians) for vacay, and will re-assess the brand and blog as summer comes to an end...though at this point, it seems too enmeshed in the fabric of F.U. Law to go on. But we shall see.

Thanks to all the peeps who made these past few months of blogging (and past year at F.U.) so great - CoffeeGirl, Dean T, the SBA, Anonymous Commenters, and the crazy, crazy F.U. Law community in general.

All Best,

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Adventures in Interning...

So it's the last week EVER of the 1L internship, and I started off the week yesterday with a bang. Please note the following conversation:

Boss: So who is the owner of this [specific piece of evidence]?
FW: That would be James.
FBI Agent: Is that the defendant's husband?
FW: No, it's her baby daddy.
Boss and Agent: (Blank Stares, no laughter)
FW: Um...he's the father of her child.

Also, I think the boss read the letter that the production company CEO sent to Lindsay Lohan about her lack of professionalism, since I found a very similar one in my inbox this morning:
c/o Chateau Marmont
8221 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, CA 90046

Dear FW,

Since the commencement of your internship, you have frequently failed to do any substantial work. Yesterday, you sat in your office in silence (all day). I am now told that you don't plan to do anything substantial today because the legal issues are "too hard." You and your representatives have told us that your various mediocre memoranda have been the result of "inability to log on to Westlaw;" today we are told it is "problems with LexisNexis." We are well aware that your ongoing all day heavy gossip blog reading is the real reason for your so called "network problems." We refuse to accept bogus excuses for your behavior.
The letter goes on, but it is too painful to transcribe. The sad part is they CC'ed Prof BS of the famed externship seminar, and now I am scared I might not get the "Pass" I worked so hard for. I am going to need Dina Lohan on my side today, to help deal with the fallout. If you have her number, please send it to me.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Even with 2 or 3 wars going on in the Middle East and a major power outage in Queens, you can still count on FishWatch to read Sunday Styles....

I am sure you all caught the article in the Sunday Styles section about arts organizations courting summer associates to start the ball rolling on arts patronage. My favorite comment was by far the following:

“It’s another thing to keep summer associates happy to defray the reality of how miserable their lives are going to be,” said Cameron Stracher, a professor at New York Law School and author of “Double Billing: A Young Lawyer’s Tale of Greed, Sex, Lies, and the Pursuit of a Swivel Chair” (William Morrow, 1998). He suspects most of their patronage of the arts will consist of writing checks. “It’s like the sublimation of their true desires,” he said.
I laughed at first, really hard...but then thought of that coffee date I had with my voice teacher about a week before my F.U. deposit was due. "Don't do it," she said. "You should be auditioning. Musicals are more fun than Law School. Musicals are like summer camp. Law School...well...isn't."

I disagree. Law School is like summer camp, only it's that CTY camp my parents tried to get me to go to. Yes, you know that camp...the one for which the Indian and Korean kids in your 8th grade class took the SATs to get in.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

If only I had this thing during Contracts Class...

So I am now in possession of a crystal gavel. The best parts are (a) that I now own a crystal gavel, and (b) I own something that says "Best Orarlist" on it. Note that it does not say "Oralist," rather "Orarlist." I thought maybe I had been spelling and pronouncing it wrong all this time, but I googled it, and the "did you mean...oralist" came up, and the "did you mean..." on google is never wrong. Regardless, I fully plan to bring it out to bars this weekend, and to class in the fall and bang it on the desk when I disagree with Prof Gords or Gents, but only after I bedazzle it with Swarovski Crystals for added effect.

"Orarlists" are better than "Oralists" in bed.

But by far the best part of last night was my interaction with the Honorable Judge P at the post Moo Court Final dinner, with whom I had the following conversation:
FW: Respectfully your honor, I have heard a rumor that you enjoy a certain blog about [F. U. Law].
Judge P: Yes, I do! It's a very cute blog.
FW: Well it's actually my blog, and I am really glad to know someone on the federal bench is enjoying it.
Judge P: Loved the Coffee Throwing.
Next on the list is getting members of Congress to read this thing, so contact the FW 2006 Lobbying Committee with ideas and strategies.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Don't worry, I ran over Lizzie Grubman at Star Room...

Let's just recap a little conversation I had on Friday afternoon around 4pm:
Boss: FW, why don't you come with me to court for these arraignments and maybe you can stand up on one of them. It is a great opportunity for an intern and you will benefit greatly from the experience.
FW: Um...that sounds great. But I am heading to catch a train to East Hampton with my friends. Do you know how long the ticket lines are on Friday afternoons? Have to get there early. Smell you later!
OK, OK, it didn't exactly go down like that, but pretty close. Basically the boss now shakes her head in dismay whenever we make eye contact.

I managed to get my list of 35 together yesterday morning, but found that when people asked me if such and such a firm is on my list, that I have no freaking clue. I am pretty sure that for 25-35 I just went based on if the date of their interview was on my friend's birthday or not.

Finally, I have somehow found myself in the Moo Court semifinals, and really don't know what to say. I guess my high school masterdebator skills have somehow resurfaced after a long hiatus, and that I have added the requisite "punch and pizazz" that my legal writing prof told me I needed in my writing and speaking. Obvi, the boss was shocked when I told her.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Spotlight on Alternative Journals...

In addition to the FishWatch Law Journal, there are several others around that you may not have heard about. Here are some highlights:

KV writes in that, "I've heard back from the Security Guard Journal. My first note is entitled "How to keep F.U. students out of the atrium when we host events and pretend that they don't exist." Congrats KV! I hear that the first issue this year will also include an empirical study on how many times the guards actually look up to check your ID, and its effect on the City's crime rates.

Another student writes in that she was given an offer from the Lowenstein Cafeteria Journal, which this year will feature notes about improving credit card machine approval time, the long term effects of Crystal Light, the pros and cons of dating an F.U. Undergrad, interviews with Chef Ian and Cashier Luz, and finally, the microeconomic effect on demand of LoCaf items when free cupcakes are introduced into the market.

Finally, a new journal getting off the ground this year is Alan's Law Journal. I spoke with Faculty Advisor Alan himself, and suggested inquiries into why the Balsamic vinaigrette tastes like BBQ sauce, why the price of a Naked Juice is so high, and what exactly the F.U. discount is, cause no one ever seems to get it.

These journals, however, did not fare as well as the others who get to stay in the main Law building, and thus have to deal with office space at West 60th Street. Regardless, I think we can look forward to a great year of insightful legal scholarship. Congrats to all.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Why you should never move to Brooklyn...

This afternoon at Lassen & Hennigs on Montague Street in Downtown Brooklyn, I was approached by an elderly woman who clearly spent too much time in the sun, with whom I had the following conversation:
Woman: Excuse me, are you from India?
FW: [thinking she would offer something poignant regarding the horrible bombings] Um...I am from Long Island. But I am Indian, yes.
Woman: It's just that I have a house in India, and whenever I see someone from India I just miss it soooo much.
FW: (blank stare). Huh.
In other news, Round II of Moo Court is dunzo, and I will admit that during the post argument critique, I was rebuked for my "off podium conduct." Confused at first, they went on to say that when other peeps were arguing, I twirled my pen, shuffled papers, wrote dirty, dirty notes to my partner, and made faces when the other team said something wrong. I wanted to tell them that sitting in an F.U. Law classroom without IM and my blog to keep me constantly occupied is very, very difficult, and what could they expect of me?

Finally, there is an intern in my office who started a pretty funny intern newsletter. Well it's all the rage at the office, and I must say I am feeling a little bit salty that even my boss is calling him the "hilarious intern." Since I can't say I am up for the "brilliant intern" label, the "hard- working intern" label, the "on-time intern" label, or, believe it or not, even the "best-looking intern" label, I certainly thought I had a shot at the "hilarious" one. But now I am just the intern who reminds people who have second homes in India of their property. Sad.

Monday, July 10, 2006

I am SOOOO sorry you guys!!! FishWatch took the weekend off, calls with offers to join the FishWatch Law Journal coming later today...

People, try not to accept any journal offers you may have received over the weekend, and if no offers came a' callin...don't despair. The F.U. FishWatch Law Journal Volume I is going to be extending offers later today, with an open bar event on S7 of the libes, red carpet starting at 11pm.

Volume I Issue 1 is going to be great - co-writing and research editor JF will be doing a note called "Moo Court: Who wore it best," pitting all you girls in the black skirt suits against each other. Also included will be an expose on the Admin's attempts to prevent future coffee attacks, and "OCI: Tales from a Student Greeter."

In other news, I found my F.U. ID, thank g*d, just in time for externship seminar-o-fun and Moo Court Round 2 (yes, all that fun packed into one evening). Note that I woke up today at 4:30am on a couch in North Carolina.

Friday, July 07, 2006

If you thought any of the new F.U. engagements were same sex couples, then THINK AGAIN...

So as you probably heard by now, the New York Court of Appeals denied the gays the right to marry. The rather weak arguments are ones we've heard before: "Leave it to the legislature!" "It's better for the children!" "No tradition of gay marriage!" "No long history of discrimination!" "No one wants to see a grown man in Vera Wang!" Chief Judge Kaye's dissent is just the right opinion on this matter - y'all should read it and spread the gospel. Click Here for the docs.

The big question now is what do I do with the "Marriage is Gay" t-shirt I spent 20$ on?

In other news, Round One of Moo Court Oral Args is over, and the highlight was when my opponent complimented the lovely knots on my new Thomas Pink french cuff shirt (a lovely b-day gift from lovely friends), to which I responded, "You have to dress for the holding you want." Maybe the gays before the Court of Appeals forgot that?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

For those of you who know what I look like, have you seen my F.U. ID???

So I arrived at F.U. today, eager to articulate my thoughts on exigent circumstances (slash, I have NO thoughts on the issue), and got my wallet out of my pocket to flash my glamour shot to the security guard, only to find that my ID is missing! To think that there is someone making faded diagonal copies on the 1986 copy machine with my funds is just killing me. Also, now I can't get a 10% discount at the Starbucks on 9th, and had to coax the "guard" at the libes door to let me in. I had to refrain from saying to her "Do you even GO here?" and "Do you even KNOW who I am?" but was able to resist the urges.

So if any of you see my ID anywhere, please don't sell in on ebay.

Anyway, I just ran into former Section 5 Rep DK, and congratulated him as one of the recently engaged F.U. students. An artist's rendering of the ring:

Well well well, DK, maybe if you spent less on engagement rings and more on the first edition Lady Duff Gordon biography for Prof H.B. from the whole section, we would not be in the position we are in today. Regardless, Mazel Tov.

In other love lives news, FishWatch co-writing and research editor ER also recently got engaged. We hope the giant rock on her finger doesn't interrupt the laborious task of editing reader comments. Congrats ER!

Friday, June 30, 2006

Journals to stay on (Air Quotes) "Garden Level;" Hot German LLMs to be deported...

It appears as if JournalMoveAcrossTheStreetGate2006 has been s*ttled. (After the Prof Marts final on which 2/4 questions were on s*ttlem*nts, I can't bear to spell out the word in full ever again, fyi). One journal sent an email to its members saying:
Deans M and S informed us yesterday afternoon that our Journal office will not be moved to the 33 West 60th building. Law Review agreed to give up their staff office in exchange for the LLM conference room; with that, the administration believes it will have enough space to accommodate its needs for the 2006-2007 year.
It must be nice for them to stay on the "Garden Level." The flora and fauna is just amazing this time of year. The email went on:
We are fairly confident that the volume of impassioned and articulate e-mails, phone calls, and letters from staff, editors, and alumni are largely responsible for affecting the administration's decision-making and for helping them to understand the very real consequences of such a move on the ULJ, ILJ, and Law Review.
It's just like Scalia said in Lawrence. First you allow the admin to move the Journals across the street, next thing you know we have polygamists running around and 1Ls marrying sheep. Good thing the alums let the Dean know that.

Speaking of polygamy, engagement fever has hit Section 5. There apparently have been four rocks exchanged this summer so far, and it's not even July. FishWatch's "Love Lives" section will have all the details after the holiday, including a special interview with jeweler Neil Lane on what rings are hot at F.U. right now.

Have a wonderful holiday weekend y'all! For me, freedom means watching hours and hours of TV and movies, including Superman, Strangers With Candy, Devil Wears Prada, World Cup, and Wimbledon (yes, I too can watch sports, especially if they involve people who look like this).

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Moo Court Moo-tasticness, APPROXIMATE, ESTIMATED, WE THINK IT'S RIGHT Class Standings

So after putting together a pretty mediocre brief, my partner and I were not too excited to pick up our opponents' brief in the event that it kicked ass. That being said, we still expected said opponents' brief to be there.

However, when my partner arrived at F.U. yesterday morning to get the brief from the box, it was decidedly not among the what I am sure are brilliant and insightful legal arguments. He talked to the moo court peeps and they said to come back later (cause we LOVE going to F.U. Law as often as we can in summer, apparently). He goes back in the afternoon, and...nada. He then sends the editors a snarky e-mail claiming grave injustice, and leaves the country (cause the July 4th fireworks are just TO DIE FOR in Amsterdam), and I get an email from the Moo Court peeps saying I should come in the evening and it would be there. I get home last night, ready to order take out and watch "So You Think You Can Dance," but instead put on my running shorts and shoes, and jog across the park to good old F.U. I show up to the Moo Court office, sweat glistening and hair tussled (and wheezing since I forgot to take my inhaler and my Claritin), and find that the BRIEF IS NOT IN THERE (I looked twice!). The girl in the office says, "Oh yeah, just email the editors, I guess." OK. (Cause it's not like everyone made 8 copies or anything).

So I send another snarky email to the Moo Court peeps, and then email the actual opponents telling them of our trials and tribulations, and asking them to just email us a copy so I don't have to do anymore exercise, g*d forbid. I really hope we get it soon, cause a four day Independence Day weekend without a brief to read is just UN-American.

Also, the dreaded (admit it, you called them to see when they were coming out) class standings email came yesterday:
Dear Members of the Classes of 2007, 2008 and 2009,
The Registrars [sic] Office has just released the following information regarding approximate or estimated class standings for the 2005-2006 academic year. [F.U. Law] does not have official class standings, therefore the term "approximate"or "estimated" must always be used in conjunction with these figures if you reference them on your resume.
By saying F.U. "does not having official class standings," do they mean what my High School meant when they said they didn't officially rank us? Meaning that they really did rank, they just didn't tell you unless you kissed up to the guidance counselor and asked him? I am guessing that's the case, since we heard a rumor the other day that a certain firm asks Registrar Ken for the top 12 kids in the class and sends them an email inviting them to submit a resume...and then sends them a letter saying "we aren't going to hire you, why did you bother?"

Also, why are these only "approximate" and "estimated" standings? Is it like the Nielsen ratings? Do they only look at one section as a sample and then make the "approximations" and "estimates" based on that? I really hope they didn't use Section 5, cause we are one crazy sample population if I ever saw one.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Maybe F.U. Law should apply for some new Gates Foundation money to fix its network...because the children are suffering...

I rarely check my F.U. inbox because there are just so many times you can be reminded about an updated list of on-campus interviewers who aren't going to hire you.

But below are some selected emails from our F.U. inboxes that are surprisingly not from Career Planning. Anyone else notice a trend here? If you ask me, it looks as if YSummer2K6FU is coming, just as Nostradamus predicted. I even read somewhere that he once predicted that F.U. Law's "Simplicity" will forget to upload resumes in the fall of the 6th year after two millenia. OMG THAT'S THIS YEAR!!!

Planned University Systems Outage 6/27/06 4:56 PM

GroupWise Email Outage Yesterday 6/26/06 10:17 AM

Fwd: June 22, 2006 Network Outage 6/22/06 4:19 PM

June 22, 2006 Network Outage 6/22/06 4:03 PM

Internet Outage Notification 6/22/06 11:33 AM

Service Interruptions - Summer 2006 6/21/06 10:13 AM

CIMS Maintenance - Monday June 12 @10am 6/8/06 9:00 AM

Reminder - Network Maintenance - Friday, June 2nd 6/2/06 10:01 AM

Friday, June 23, 2006

Last Night = Best Night Ever.

So last night my (former) roommate (*tear) and I had the following exchange over IM while I was at work. (Yes I IM at work).

[redacted]: What time shall we meet for dinner?
FishWatch: How about 9:00 in the East Village?
[redacted]: Ok.
[redacted]: Or we could go hear Christina Aguilera perform at a party.
FishWatch: Um...Let me think about that.

Christina was amazing. She looked hawt and sang her little heart out. For a full recap click here.

The best part of the evening was not when X-tina saw me singing along to Beautiful and winked at me, (i died), but rather, when I met TIM GUNN and told him how excited I was about Season 3!! He told me he would talk to the Moo Court peeps and make sure I was free that night. Thanks Tim! Carry On!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Debate Over Journal Offices Move Continues To Spark Long, Oppressive Emails On Both Sides...Even Those Bored To Tears at Work Cannot Bear To Finish...

The below e-mail made it into our inbox a few days ago, but it basically took me until today to finish reading it. That's how long it is. It's a response from Dean T to a student who complained about the impending move of the Journal Offices to West 60th Street. The situation may have been resolved by now, but FishWatch has stopped providing up to the minute news service on all things F.U. Law since readership is now only me, CH, and my 3 non-law school friends who pretend to think this blog is funny.

Reading the e-mail over, I have realized that I am swayed by anything really, and have very few convictions. Hand me a DOJ memo on Wiretapping and I am SOLD. Hand me an ACLU one against, and I am mad as hell. Hand me an US Weekly about how sad Jen is, I put on my "Team Aniston" shirt and pay 10 bucks to see "Rumor Has It." Put Angie on Anderson Cooper and "Team Jolie" comes out of the laundry basket and I adopt an orphan with no arms.

So, not that I really cared before, but now Dean T has convinced me that moving the Journals is best. Cause if Stanford and Harvard do it this way, who are we to question such wisdom?

Here is the email in full:

Dear [Redacted],

I appreciate receiving your views about the proposed move of the Law Review, the ILJ, and the ULJ to West 60th Street. I am, at this point, still thinking through the question whether the journals will be moved, but I am writing to let you know why the move is under serious consideration.

As anyone who knows [F.U.] Law School recognizes, we face serious space difficulties. Other top schools have at least twice as much space per student as we do. We need a new building and the planning for one is actively underway. My hope is that we will have a new law school building in the near future and that all components of the school will then be housed in one building.

In the meantime, we must make temporary arrangements. Our space has become so inadequate that we cannot make obvious and needed improvements to current programs and cannot find space for new ones. Generous alumni have given us the funding to expand our Crowley Program in International Human Rights and to create the John Feerick Center for Law and Social Justice. The Crowley expansion will give students the opportunity to engage in a clinic in human rights law, learning under experts in the area. The Feerick Center will give students the opportunity to work under Dean Feerick's invaluable mentorship on some of the most vexing problems affecting our larger society -- school financing and family homelessness among them. We also need space for other programs. As just one example, we have hired a new Assistant Dean to run and expand our international and LL.M. programs. Put simply, our need for space is not theoretical; these programs need space in which to begin operation in the Fall.

This is why the availability of additional space at 33 West 60th comes as welcome relief. As you know, 33 West 60th has housed major law school programs for years. A number of faculty members have offices there. Our Clinic Program occupies the third floor. Dean Feerick and the Crowley Program are both on the second floor. However, we have used up every scrap of space available to us there. We need space for additional faculty, the Clinic Program is bursting at the seams and the Crowley and Feerick Programs are about to launch. The additional space on the 9th floor at 33 West 60th will allow us to address each of these issues.

The needs of the Feerick and Crowley Programs require that we move the Admissions and Financial Aid Offices from the 2nd floor at 33 West 60th. As we go through the inconvenience of moving these offices, we have the opportunity to create an Enrollment Services unit, consisting of the Registrar's Office, the Admissions Office and Financial Aid. Combining these operations will improve efficiency. Each of these offices works on a different time cycle. Thus, the Registrar's Office is extraordinarily busy at times of the year when the Admissions Office and Financial Aid are not as busy. By bringing these offices together and by cross-training staff, we would be able to use our resources to address each office's crunch times more effectively. Our objective here would be simple: we would seek to meet the long-standing, and oft-repeated, request of students and student leaders for better service in these areas.

We have, of course, considered housing the new Enrollment Services Office in the new space at 33 West 60th. Such a plan has significant costs. It would require all 1400 of our students, including evening students with simple questions, to leave the main building and go over to West 60th Street to seek information from the Registrar. It would also make some of the operations of the Registrar's Office -- such as the administration of exams and the provision of direct services to students and faculty -- much more difficult. On the other hand, bringing the Enrollment Services Office into the main building would have significant benefits. All key student services would then be available to students on the garden level. Administrative offices that need to coordinate closely would be located together. For example, the Financial Aid and Registrar's Office need to work closely with the Office of the Dean of Students on the entry of incoming classes, the graduation of outgoing classes and the provision of services to students. That work could be done much more effectively if the offices were near one another. Finally, there are obvious benefits to the school in having the Admissions Office in the main building. That key office originally was moved to the 33 West 60th building with great reluctance and at great cost. Bringing it back into the main building would help us have a more effective way of recruiting potential students and serving admitted students.

This brings us to the point where we consider housing Enrollment Services in the space now occupied by the three journals in the main law school building, and it is against this context that I ask you to view the proposal to move the journals. We are forced to make decisions about space that are less than perfect, but such decisions must be made.

I recognize the benefits of having the journals in the main building. The journals are a hub of student life and have created vibrant communities on the garden level. The creation of community is one of our core values, and I take very seriously anything that might weaken the sense of community. I know that moves are disruptive and that there are short term costs that must be accounted for when considering them. Our experience with 33 West 60th Street shows that it is fully possible to foster community in that building. The Clinic, which is housed on the second floor, is one of the programs that is used most intensively by large numbers of students. It has thrived at West 60th and has thrived to a far greater extent than would have been possible if it had clung to its inadequate space in the main building. Our Crowley and Feerick Programs have similarly thrived there and are about to expand. 33 West 60th Street is part of the law school and is also a hub of student life. Housing the journals there would make that space even more vibrant.

Other urban law schools - ones with far more space than we have - have already decided that journals can be housed in buildings that do not contain the main classrooms. This is the case at the other leading schools in Manhattan, where the law reviews at Columbia and NYU are not in the main building. The Harvard Law Review and the George Washington Law Review are not in the main classroom building either. Even Stanford - which is not an urban campus - is moving one of its journals out of the classroom building.

The experience at other schools makes clear that journals do not need to be in main classroom buildings to thrive. They can be located nearby in other law school space without compromising the quality of their product. Under the plan I am considering, the journals would receive more space and more varied types of space at 33 West 60th Street than they currently have. The space itself is of a higher quality than the journals now have.

We are still working on the question of what hours the West 60th Street building will be open, but the move will only occur if an appropriate arrangement on hours can be set up. The journals are one of the great strengths of the law school, and I would not move them if the move would weaken that strength.

I note that as a community, we have managed to live remarkably well together in seriously inadequate space. I am keenly aware of the relationship between space and community. Our space needs are such that I fear our ability to foster community may be weakened if our activities become much more compressed. For my part, over the past year, I have asked that we scour the space in the Law School to find ways to give our student community a little breathing space. As a result, when students return to school in the Fall, they will find couches and comfortable chairs that will be available for them in the Atrium during times that the space is not being used for events. We will have benches spread throughout the school to give students a place to sit between classes. We will have more couches and chairs available in the cafeteria. We are also undertaking construction to increase classroom space and have gone so far as to remove an old vault from the garden level to create a small room that will give us space for meetings.

The question about 33 West 60th at this point is what makes sense for the community as a whole, weighing costs against benefits. I have asked those of you who will be affected by this proposal to join me in figuring out how to make it work best if it is adopted. I have made similar requests of those who would be affected by other proposals we have been developing and considering. I am grateful to those of you who have made suggestions that would improve a move for the journals. We have already incorporated some of the suggestions into our planning. Such input helps a great deal because it allows me to identify accurately the true institutional costs of adopting each of the alternatives before me. I am committed to making whatever move does come to pass as easy as possible. If we implement the move of the journals, we will work closely with editors and staff to ensure that their work is disrupted as little as humanly possible.

Again, I appreciate and invite your views.

Dean [T]

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

This is like on Square One when one little mistake led to SERIOUS bad stuff happening....

So the conflict notification deadline was Monday at 8:00PM for Moo Court oral argument rounds, and I just realized that I made a serious omission that is going to have massive repercussions for everyone involved:

I FORGOT TO LIST JULY 12th AS A CONFLICT AND IT IS THE PREMIER OF PROJECT RUNWAY!!!!! If I get scheduled to debate some nerd-tastic topic (that I voluntarily signed up to do, keep in mind) on the most anticipated night of the summer, I will be more angry than Kara after a sizzler, if you know what I mean.

Moo Court G*ds, if you are reading this slowly dying blog...please, please don't schedule me on July 12th for round two of Dorkitude 2006.

But if I do get scheduled that day, rest assure my oral arguments will be on the differing standards of review employed by Nina Garcia, Fashion Director Elle Magazine, and Michael Kors, Designer, American Jet Set Fashion, and which standard the Court should adopt to settle the jurisprudence on this matter once and for all.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Externship Seminar continues to insult the intelligence of us and everyone around us...

Today at 10:43 I realized that my Externship Seminar Class 2 Writing Assignments were due at noon, which meant I had to put aside actual work I was doing FOR my externship, to write ABOUT my externship. Very meta I think. Or ironic. I don't know. Anyway, first I had to answer the following questions on "Supervision:"

Consider an assignment that you received from your fieldwork supervisor. (1) What were you told about it? (2) What were to not told initially but discovered later that you needed to know? (3) What should you have asked that you didn't? (4) Did things come up that couldn't be anticipated? (5) How did you handle unanticipated questions?

My answer:

(1) I was told to write a memo and do it fast. (2) That if I found out I had to answer silly questions for a silly class, I should do the memo instead. (3) I should have asked if my supervisor could write me a note getting me out of externship seminar class on Monday. (4) Yes. See above 1-5. (5) By writing obnoxious answers to them on my blog.

Also, we have to discuss an ethical dilemma discussion we were supposed to have with our supervisor. Since my supervisor is out all morning, I think I am going to have to write about the ethical dilemma of making up the ethical dilemma discussion. Very meta. Or ironic. I don't know.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Getting to 35: Liveblogging this shiznit...

For those of you not in the know, this meeting is about how to best pick the 35 firms you have to pick for early interview week this August. As we heard from our friends who attended last night, it is a COMPLETE waste of time, but FishWatch will nevertheless be liveblogging throughout, since none of you f*ckers did yesterday.

7:55 - It's like world cup soccer outside, the crowd is getting restless.

8:06 - He just used "CPC" and "useful" in the same sentence. This meeting has already lost credibility.

8:07 - Start ranking as soon as you get your grades! And if your grades suck? DON'T BOTHER!

8:07 - There are no safeties and reaches, go in your group. Someone asked what this meant, I really don't think he answered it, but I think he thinks he did. In language you can understand: "Harvard" ain't going to happen. Also, as Jeri Blank once said, "Go with what you know."

8:08 - Category I firms are for the top 10%. If you are in the top 11%, you are not in the top 10%. Huh. Category II firms are for the top 1/3 of the class. And category III firms are for the top 1/2 of the class. And if you are in the bottom 1/2? Well then you get the thanks of everyone IN the top 1/2 for just existing and taking up the necessary space.

8:10 - Greeter program - put on a happy face, walk the attorney to the interview room, and BEG for an interview. They may tell you to come back for an interview. More likely they will send you to get a diet coke and a panini.

8:13 - Don't overbid: "Like don't do 10, 10 and 15, cause you can only do 35." Again, more credibility lost.

8:16 - SKADDEN GOT THE BOOT!!!! They are Category 2! Note this is only 3 shy of Hurricane Katrina.

8:22 - This thing is dunzo. On all of our minds is, why couldn't they have just added a category column on the spreadsheet they sent us, since that is all they said?

Friday, June 09, 2006

What exactly was the point of the writing competition if no one is going to SEE you in the Law Review office eating popcorn and talking shit?

A source sent us some shocking news this morning in a rather long email. I have briefed it for you below.

Facts: The administration wants to move the ULJ, ILJ, and Law Review offices to a new space on the 9th floor of 33 West 60th Street and plans to fill their current offices with new offices for the Registrar, Student Affairs, and Career Services.

Holding: The administration is going to move the ULJ, ILJ, and Law Review offices to a new space on the 9th floor of 33 West 60th Street and plans to fill their current offices with new offices for the Registrar, Student Affairs, and Career Services.

Rationale: The administration claims that they need the Registrar, Student Affairs, and Careers Services to occupy a central physical location to have increased access to students. They also claim that these offices need to communicate with one another.

I am a little confused. Aren't the current Career Services offices and Student Affairs Office 15 feet away from the journal offices right now? So they are going to move them 15 feet down the hall? And has anyone figured out what exactly Student Affairs does? They realize we still can't access the facebook from off-campus, and that no one has any time for movies, right? Also, can't these offices just communicate by email? Or a blog? Or walking 15 feet down the hall? Also, isn't this whole building going to get knocked down in like 2 years, so why waste people's time?

Most importantly, how are we going to impress the new hot 1Ls if they don't see us going in and out of the Law Review office all day long, and they can't see us sitting in there pretending to review the law? This, I think, should be a central argument in the Journals' brief, and will be the cornerstone of FishWatch's amicus brief that will be filed later today.

As one ULJ editor has stated in an e-mail to members, "[t]he space at 33 West 60th is not horrible, but is also not great." Powerful words that should inspire us all to take action against this travesty.

Monday, June 05, 2006

I guess I just can't get away from this place...

Believe it or not, I am writing from the Caf at F.U. School of Law! I just emerged from the two hour "externship seminar" I have to take to get credit for my internship, which I think many of you are also taking, so we should share in the misery. This may be the biggest bunch of fluff I have ever witnessed. I think the most telling phrases of the course so far have been "fill out your 'Learning Agenda' that will help you articulate your goals for the summer" and "We are going to be sharing our experiences a lot."

My goals were as follows:

1. Impress my fellow interns and co-workers with my wit, charm, and good looks.
2. Impress my fellow interns and co-workers with my sense of style (a.k.a. dress for the verdict I want).
3. Keep up with the blog at all costs.
4. Find a husband who is about ready to transition to the private sector.

I had to change them though once I realized we had to get our supervisors to sign them and hand them in. Then they became the standard, "Improve my _________ skills."

Prof S also made us all explain why we decided to come to law school, and I swear what we said was the exact opposite of what was being said as little as two weeks ago. I even found myself saying "I had a great time this year," and "I look forward to learning more about the law." It must be the new red umbrellas on the "patio" outside the caf that make this place feel more like a Caribbean resort and less like a public high school.

In other news, I received an ID today, so I did numerous shots of espresso just to celebrate, and felt free to use the bathroom as many times as I needed.

Friday, June 02, 2006

I may need to borrow David Blaine's catheter pretty soon...

So I have been at work for a week now, and still don't have an ID Card somehow (clearly, I am not working for the private sector). Luckily the security guard downstairs is from my hometown, so he lets me in, but when I get to my floor, I have to wait by the "DON'T LET ANYONE WITHOUT ID IN" sign for someone to come out or go in and explain to them that I am the intern sans ID, at which point they look at me, look at the sign, then look at me again. I give them my best smile, and so far, it has worked all but one time.

The worst part about this situation is that the bathroom is back outside the FishWatch proof door. This means I have to borrow an ID from someone, telling them that I need to go the bathroom, which is awkward, because then they will know for how long I am in the bathroom. Also, I can tell in eyes of the women on the floor that they simply do not want their IDs going into the men's room. Alternatively, I have lied and said I am going out to get a snack, but then the ID holder asks for something, so then I actually have to go out and get a snack at a time when I am trying to get my body back in shape in case someone invites me out to the Hamptons and/or his bedroom.

The solution has been to minimize my exits and entrances. I have cut out all caffeinated beverages (which means no props around when I tell the icedcoffeemeltdown story), and luckily the water cooler on the floor is for "Paying Water Club Members Only" (according to the sign), so I can't even hydrate at all. I leave only for lunch (going to the bathroom on the way out) and then make an intern from a different floor come and let me in after lunch so I don't have to bother my boss. Yesterday, one intern (you know who you are KB) refused to come up and let me in, so I had to call the boss who is just getting tired of this whole situation.

You would think the simple answer would be to just get an ID, but I have tried people, I really have, and it doesn't appear that I will be getting one anytime soon.

The bigger issue is that I accidentally drank some water at lunch and now I have to pee. Does this mean I have to leave for the day?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Get psyched, get superpsyched, get psyched, get superpsyched, get P-S, P-S-Y, P-S-Y-C-H-E-D, get psyched, hey hey, get psyched!

Some random musings at the end of the workday...

It is t-minus 2 hours and 15min til the Moo Court meeting begins, and I know you all are just ITCHIN' to get your hands on the Mulligan Competition materials. I, for one, cannot say "Mulligan" unless it's in a thick Irish accent with a Guinness in hand. Fitting, since that is how I anticipate working on this thing -- with one hand trying to get my broken laptop to work, and the other setting up the Irish car bombs.

Does anyone else feel like they have been living hard the past month or so? It's kind of like being a rock star without the rock, or the star, or the drugs, or the sex. I mean, we finish finals, have to do this writing comp thing, then move out of our apts, then start work, and now write briefs for this thing? I don't really know why I opt to do all of these voluntary things, but part of me feels that the "if everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you?" message was lost on me those many years ago.

Lastly, I was sitting in the back of a courtroom today when a very good looking girl up near the judge looked my way and stared at me for a minute or so. I couldn't help but think that I had somehow found some hetero mojo, and that women might just think I am a metrosexual or something, and therefore men would find me hotter since they might think I was straight. Then the judge introduced her as his summer intern and I realized we went to high school together, so in reality, she was just asking herself, "was he really that gay in high school?" Well, I don't think so, but to tell you the truth, around Lindsay Lohan I queened it up, since I knew making her my hag was the best option for getting to the top. Clearly, that plan worked.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

FishWatch Doppleganger still lurks...or am I his doppleganger? Probably the latter...

So my doppleganger is still out there, and up to his old tricks. In case you don't know what I am talking about, I'll give you a little background:

So my doppleganger is really only my doppleganger because he is also brown and has the same name as me (though he spells it FishWaatch), and the same first two letters of my last name.* We were on the same page of the freshman facebook in college, and he quickly established himself as the smart activist with a conscience, while I opted for the role of a cappella nerd who got by on grade inflation. Sometimes people would come up to me and say, "FishWa[a]tch, thank you so much for the email on child laborers in Ecuador. It really got me thinking about how I can get involved." I would always smile awkwardly and say "Singing group concert this Friday!" at which point most people would realize their mistake and run away before I tried to sell them a ticket.

Over the course of 4 years I would get the occasional voicemail and email asking "how can I get help save the sweatshop workers of Honduras," and "tell me more about your work curbing the spread of AIDS among prison populations worldwide."

During junior year many people congratulated me on getting the Truman scholarship and Senior year a lot of people were so happy that I got a Marshall fellowship. Except that I didn't. You guessed it, FishWaatch did.

On Class Day when the smart people got big prizes for being so smart, Dean B said: "And the winner of the [another rich person's endowment] prize, with 42 credits, 41 grades of A and 1 A-, a leader in fighting for social justice, Fishwa/atch...," at which point everyone in my area looked over at me bursting with pride, shocked that I had managed to get such good grades and fight for social justice while at the same time choreographing the big dance number for my spring a cappella jam. I even think I saw my parents look over in shock and start calling the other Indian parents on Long Island to start the bragging process. (I can safely say they did NOT do that after the big dance number).

Obviously, I knew what was coming next. He would start saying the real FishWaatch's last name, and at the beginning, everyone would STILL think it was me, but by the third letter, they would realize their mistake, and smiles would turn into looks of confusion. "There were two FishWa/atch's here?" they would all think to themselves. (Though I can't exactly complain about people thinking all brown people are the same, I mean how do you think I drank from ages 16-21?).

After college, I thought my feelings of inadequacy would fade, but when I would go back to school for football games (I just tailgated people, don't worry), someone would inevitably ask me how my time at Oxford on the Marshall fellowship was (by this point, I would just say things like "Amazing!" or "The Bestest!"). And when FishWaatch started at Harvard Law School, people would ask me how Harvard was going, and I would say, "No no, I go to F.U. Law," and they would say "OMG, do you have to take Metro North?"

Which brings me to day 1 of my internship, where I introduced myself to a fellow intern, an HLS 1L, who said, "Oh, I saw the email list and thought the FishWaatch from my class was working here, I was so excited, but I guess it's not him." The sad part is I had no singing group concert to invite her too. Except that if I did, it would be more sad.

So people, the take away here is that you can never out-do or out-run your doppleganger, so don't even try. I think the best bet is to just be as mediocre as possible and hope he takes pity on you one day and sets you up with someone at HLS who plans to make a lot of money, and, of course, loves a cappella.

*Also, I am not sure doppleganger is the right word to use when you are friends with the person, as I am with FishWaatch, but it's the best I can do.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Still no computer, still no sanity...

I am sorry again for being MIA, but I can't imagine anyone was reading this over the last few days, considering the only time you people read it is when you are bored out of your mind studying or writing something for a prize. But now that some of y'all have starting working (note that JF is in the Hamptons still and ER in St. Barths, and I am not making jokes this time), I figured I would get back to it.

The writing comp, as you all know, sucked. There was no motivation to be had, and really nothing to say about the quality of what I turned it. Except that I did print my stuff out on pink scented paper, so that might help.

Also, I was lucky enough to have to go home right after the writing comp and start packing to move uptown. I now live alone, so now when I die from my xanax overdose, no one will ever find me. But at least I can walk around naked.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

So with hours to go before we have to hand this puppy in, I am obvi reading the Thursday Styles section online. This article about bloggers was interesting, and my favorite part was:
Busted bloggers like Jessica Cutler (a former Capitol Hill intern whose blog, Washingtonienne, is now a novel), Nadine Haobsh (a former beauty editor whose blog Jolie in NYC earned her a two-book deal) and Jeremy Blachman (a lawyer whose blog Anonymous Lawyer is being released as "Anonymous Lawyer: A Novel" this summer) were all interns, entry-level employees and worker bees who traded up on in-the-trade secrets.
DO YOU THINK F.U. LAW WILL KICK ME OUT FOR THIS BLOG AND THEN I CAN GET A BOOK DEAL??? How fun would that be! Dean N-E, if you are reading this, please call about kicking me out before 4pm so I don't unnecessarily spend $100 on printing twenty-something copies of this thing (notice I used the numeral form for 100, but the written form for twenty! LOL, Bluebook is so fun!!).

Anyway, if you have any scandalous things that I can get in trouble for, please let me know, and I will keep you in mind when I look to hire my research assistant for the blog book to research such topics as why Oasis only works during business hours and an expose on what goes on in those journal offices once the writing competition entries are in.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

If I do well on this, maybe I'll make Law Review, and then maybe I will get a job at Cravath, and then maybe I will meet my husband!

If you had no motivation to finish this writing competition before, well now you do. It turns out that if you get a job at a top firm in NYC, you can land up with a 2.5-carat, radiant-cut, platinum-set fancy yellow diamond from Fred Leighton!

The Observer's Love Beat (think Sunday Styles with sarcasm and some prescription drugs) tells the story of two C-vath associates who happened to find love at the office. While I do think such love is possible (I mean, Prof F and his wife met at C-vath and are lovely people), this couple makes me a little worried. And it's not because their interactions make me want to vomit. It's because of this:
The following weekend, they decided to rent a car for a quick Hamptons getaway—only Mr. Perese, again, was working till midnight...Yes, on a Saturday. After he’d finished, they hailed a passing pedicab and took it to Hertz, hitting the road at 2 a.m. in a bright yellow Chevy Cobalt. They arrived at their B&B at 4 a.m.
A BED AND BREAKFAST? We are slaving away learning the bluebook to get these jobs only to have to stay at a BED AND BREAKFAST?!? If my C-vath husband and I cannot at least rent a house our first summer, this whole existence is meaningless, and he can keep the ring.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Like Sand Through the Hourglass...

Days of Our Lives was really good yesterday. I haven't really watched the show in 3 years, but it's nice to know that the Sammy-Austin-Lucas love and marriage triangle is still going on, at least I have that stability in my life. I also went through the three months of mail pile in my bedroom, which revealed a lot of angry letters from Cingular wireless, including some from a "collection agency." The sad part is, the amount in controversy is only $1.75, which seems like less than what the collection agent spends on the Starbucks he buys while he is waiting for me to come home. I also practiced my French (Je voudrais chevre svp) at the French cafe in my soon to be ex-neighborhood, spent about an hour on the phone with Applecare, found out that I need my laptop for work next Tuesday, which means I will probably get fired, went to dinner, and then re-organized my CD collection and listened to old hits like Arrested Development (Mr. Wendel, yeah yeah) and En Vogue (Free Your Mind, and the Rest Will Follow).

All in all, a very productive day, except for the fact that I have not really started this thing we call the "Writing Competition." The big manila envelope sits anxiously on my desk, my number (24601) looking me down and singing to me all day long about my enslavement to the Bluebook. I want to write it, I really do, but I simply don't think I have it in me. Do you think if I just print out all these posts and add some endnotes, it would count?

Anyway, tonight is dinner at my sister's and maybe I'll work on doing some damage to my netflix queue...and then maybe after The Notebook I'll get started, will keep you posted. But right now I have to go...I have to make lunch before "Days" starts at 1.

Monday, May 22, 2006

And So It Begins...

Well I have been going out non-stop since the Con Law final, but no bar/club/celebrity birthday party I have been to has had a line quite like the writing comp packet pick up line last night. I tried to find the VIP line, but I think they forgot to set one up. Some commemorative images below.

It was nice to see people after they had some time to get their eyebrows done and roots touched up, because things were looking a little scary the last day of finals, but everyone seems to be doing better now. Can't wait to see what y'all look like Thursday at 6:59:59, and I especially can't wait to see what you people who show up at 7:01 look like.

I imagine we will be dropping out of this competition like flies, so please post a comment the moment you decide to bail out, so we have a way of keeping track.

The line for cupcakes isn't even this long.

"Man, I need to stop dating Law Students."

By the time these people got in, Lindsay Lohan had already left.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

And to the fans...

So my laptop committed suicide right after the last post. Right after I printed out all my con law outlines, it basically said to me: "This year has been great -- 14 hour days together, every day, including weekends, was real...but I just can't take it anymore. I am really sorry to leave you right before the writing competition, but the thought of going back to the F.U. Law Libes is enough to drive anyone's hard drive to imbibe the bottle of grey goose that's been in the freezer since New Year's along with your month's supply of ambien. Best, Laptop."

So I am sorry to the fans for being MIA the last few days, but I myself just came out of a food and alcohol coma, and am now just feeling the loss of laptop. I wasn't even going to post this week, but felt inspired after Prof JP and I had the following encounter at the Section 5/6 Baseball outing (I think it was the Yankees? Someone confirm).

FW: Hi Prof JP, how are you?
Prof JP: Great, are you glad to be done?
FW: Yeah, it feels really great.
Prof JP: Yeah, and now you must have more time to blog.
FW: Uhhh...yeah.

Prof M was also there, and when we told him Trace Higgs ordered our tests from "Best" to "Least Best" and asked him what his system was for Civ Pro, he just laughed. We can only imagine what Prof H.B.'s system is for K.

Monday, May 15, 2006

The first thing on the 5 days of no law school to do list is to reacclimate myself to society...

Tomorrow this nightmare known as finals will finally be over, and though I am thrilled, I am kind of getting cold feet about rejoining the world. I must admit I went out on Friday night for 20 minutes since a friend was visiting from out of town and was at a bar 4 blocks from my apt, and it was not pretty.

I got a beer (GASP) and tried to stand at the bar with my friends and the other boys watching the girls dance to that lovely lady lumps song, but something just wasn't right, and it wasn't the fact that I was at a bar with girls inside. It was that I hadn't seen normal people in so long that I was just so unsure about so many things. Like for instance, I forgot that people actually wear nice things when they leave the house, or that they shave, or that their dermatologists actually fix their break outs.

Also, I really had nothing to say since I haven't had many non-outline related experiences recently. "I STARTED A BLOG," I remember blurting out at some point, but that is just not a cool thing to say to people whom you have not seen in many months. Because then you are not just a nerdy law student, you are a nerdy law student blogger. When they were like, "Well, you're almost done," I recall saying something like "YES BUT THEN I HAVE TO DO A WRITING COMPETITION," which also sounds extremely uncool to an unwitting non-law school friend. "What do you win?" they inevitably ask, clearly thinking this thing is optional. "TWO YEARS OF CITE CHECKING," I think I said, but really, I have no clue. It was all a blur. I just remember that no one laughed.

Anyway, I hope you all (and I) fare better tomorrow night when you inevitably drink too much because your tolerance is gone and wake up in the dorms even though you don't live there. Just remember to take your blue-books with you, because not being able to read it during your walk of shame would really suck.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

And of ALL the days to do this, they choose mother's day...

Since Con Law studying and Mother's Day happen to be overlapping today, I am particularly attuned to any gender discrimination that might be going on here at F.U. Law. So you can imagine my surprise when I walked past the women's restroom on the garden level to see a letter posted on the door about a recent mugging in the neighborhood. I assumed that the same letter would be posted on the men's bathroom door to warn at least the gays not to walk alone in the 'hood, but, alas, there was no such warning. Being the procrastinator that I am, I set out to find where else said letter was posted. I have only encountered one other copy in the library elevator.

If I were to inquire into the purpose of these selective postings, I would have to say that F.U. Law security is making a classification here: girls and those people too lazy to walk up the stairs are the most likely to get taken advantage of by a 5 ft 4 inch 45-50 year old hispanic woman. I guess in the end, the gays were warned, since I haven't seen one take the stairs since September.

A Gender Based Classification.

No Letter. Someone invoke heightened scrutiny, and quick.
Or is it intermediate. I have no f-ing clue and the test is on Tuesday.

The Security Alert in question.

Friday, May 12, 2006

The Celebs Love the Con Law Too...

Don't know if you happened to notice in the most recent Gawker Stalker, but anyone who is worth absolutely anything has been hanging around F.U. Law recently. A sampling below. A source close to Dean T reports that he is planning a star studded benefit gala for the victims of IcedCoffeeMeltdown, so maybe they were here for rehearsal, but perhaps it's something else.

If you happen to see any more celebs, don't let them have ANY cupcakes, whatever you do. I once ran into Hillary Duff at Magnolia and learned the hard way that celebrities + sugar = a nightmare for everyone involved.

Jessica Simpson walking back into her hotel after a night of NYC clubbing. 12:30am 59th and Columbus...

Saw Anderson Cooper last night at Whole Foods at Columbus Circle at around 8 p.m...

Eva Longoria—5:15pm, 9th ave and 57th street...

Dustin Hoffman walking alone in Columbus circle...

Saw Will Smith at the Mandarin Oriental...

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, at CVS pharmacy on the corner of 58th & 9th...

Paul Simon sneaking out the back door of the Lincoln Jazz Center at the Time Warner Bldg...

Time Warner Building, May 9th, 3pm, I saw Ivanka Trump in the bathroom on the third floor...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

F.U. Law fears group suicide once grades come out...Organizes seminar to convince us to hold on for a bit longer...

So apparantly F.U. Law thinks we are all going to die before we hit 35. For once, they may be right. I don't plan to make it to mid Summer, so my mid-thirties is pretty much out of the question. As such, I don't really see the point of me going, but maybe some of y'all should go and get some tips such as how not to jump out of your firm window or the client's corporate jet. Also I am sure they will touch on not overdosing on your anti-depressants and propecia until you are 36 or G*d forbid 40.

From: Career- Planning
Date: Thursday - May 11, 2006 2:47 PM
Subject: SBA Program: Getting to 35

Hi Class of 2007 and 2008,

The SBA Program, Getting to 35, will be held on Sunday, June 11th at 8pm in the Moot Court Room and Monday, June 12th at 8pm in the Moot Court Room. These two sessions are identical but neither will be videotaped.

The SBA will be sending email announcements about this program and posting flyers. This is not a CPC program.

Thank you
The Career Planning Center

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

What you could be writing about if you were still in college, instead of at F-ing F.U. Law...

ER and I are studying at the law school down south today, and found all the 1Ls drinking 40s in the courtyard at 3pm after their last final. ER slapped one in the face a la Joan Crawford hitting Christina in front of Barbara Bennett when he asked her if she wanted some beer.

Also, we found the following college senior thesis at the printer, and it literally made us cry:

Popular Representations of Jewish Identity on Primetime Television: The Case of The O.C.
Chapter 4: Television and the Construction of a White, Post Jewish Identity: A Close Reading of The O.C.
Page 5's topic heading is "A Chrismukkah Story."


First we cried from laughing so hard...and then we cried from sadness, as we realized people out there get to do things like this and we don't. Don't get me wrong, I wrote my fair share of bullshit papers in college (The Gap Ads one comes to mind), but I somehow feel that those days are behind me. Obvi, I am going to find a way to mention Seth and Summer on the K final tomorrow.

Examining the Examiner: Bush approval rating way down, but at least we can all agree on the poopy smell back on 4/20...

The Examiner vigilantly continues to explore reactions to the bad, septic-esque smell on the garden level back on April 20th (4-20...huh huh...huh huh) through its online, interactive, fancy schmancy poll, and F.U. Law Students continue to agree overwhelmingly that it was, in fact, awful. A source at the Examiner tells us that upcoming polls include current, hot-button topics such as 1Ls' thoughts on "Legal Process" and whether Kanye's reaction to Katrina was overdramatic or an accurate assessment of race relations in America.

Did you notice the overwhelming stench in the corridor
of the basement level on Thursday, April 20?

Answers Votes Percent
Yes, and it was awful 51 70%
Yes, but it's got nothing on the Lowenstein entrance 7 10%
Yes, and I think it was an Earth Day project 5 7%
Nope, I've never been to the basement level 3 4%
Nope, it blended in the usual smell of trash 7 10%

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

LibraryIcedCoffeeMeltdown5/3/06Watch Day Something or the Other: T-Shirts are designed, and just in time for summer!

Since people clearly only read this blog when it has to do with the IcedCoffeeMeltdown, it's a good thing Marc Jacobs finally got back to me on the T-Shirt design, or pretty soon we would be back to just JF, ER and CH reading this thing. I am heading over to his Bleecker St. store after the K final Thursday, so I'll be in the best position to talk confidently about pricing and quantity, and orders can be sent in after the K is signed. Start thinking about color and sizes now.

David Blaine is Dunzo, Can Stop Secretly Coming into the F.U. Law Building at 3am to Take a Crap in the Garden Level Men's Bathroom

So stuntman/ magician/ overallsuperfreak David Blaine failed to break the record last night (boo hoo). At least now we finally can go back to studying in peace. A reader pointed out an interesting quote from the NYTimes piece:
To the matter of Mr. Blaine's unusual choice of vocation, one always wants to ask: What would have been so bad about law school?
I totally agree. Because sitting here trying to memorize a UCC Damages FlowChart is sooooo much better than sitting in a tank for a week while children and celebrities come and knock on the glass.

Also interesting was this quote from another article:
Earlier Monday, a doctor who supervised Blaine's underwater routine told the New York Times that his patient was "pushing his body insanely to the limits." "I told him he needed to get out of the water, and he refused me," Dr. Murat Gunel said in the newspaper. "He said he did not want to let the people down."
Well if the at least five “I hope he dies” I heard when finally going to see him are any indication…I am pretty sure he let people down anyway.

Monday, May 08, 2006

FishWatch Exclusive: The Exam Proctor Interview

FishWatch had an opportunity today to sit down with F.U. Law School exam proctor, Proctor Flo, to ask the questions F.U. Law Students have always wanted to ask of the people who come in and out of our lives twice a year.

FW: Tell me Flo, how did you get involved in Proctoring?
Flo: Well, my friend Virginia had been doing it for a while over at Brooklyn Law, and I thought it sounded really fun, so asked around and found out that F.U. Law had some openings. This was about 13 years ago at this point. Wow, time flies.

FW: And what do you do during the rest of the year?
Flo: I substitute teach at East Islip Junior and Senior High School out on Long Island.

FW: Flo, how come proctors always seem to mess up people's names? And I'm not just talking about the ethnic ones.
Flo: Well, actually, it's a little game we proctors like to play, you know, to do our part for society...letting the Smiths and Jones' of the world know what it's like to be different in a world that shuns nonconformity.

FW: What do you like to do for fun during the exam?
Flo: I like to make up stories about each student, think about back-stories for each one, kind of like on "Lost." Sometimes I'll bring a book, but the other proctors tend to read over my shoulder and I just can't stand that, so most of the time I am developing the back-stories.

FW: How do you guys decide who gets to read the instructions and give the 15 minute warning? It seems to me that it's always the same person, like, you guys never switch off.
Flo: Well it's strict seniority. I have been here for 13 years, started out as a hall monitor, but worked my way up to #2 room proctor. Alice, my co-proctor, signed up about a month before me, so she gets to do the instructions and stuff, but her husband just took a job down in Florida, so I think next winter I'll start with the instructions and warnings and someone else will have to do the exam collection and singing out.

FW: What's the worst thing that has ever happened during a test?
Flo: Back in Spring 1997, Alice and I ran out of bluebooks and those people down in the [Ken P's] office weren't sending up new ones fast enough, so the kids were getting really mad. I mean, we couldn't stop time or anything, and things just got out of control. People had to start writing on like the back blue page and stuff until [Ken P's] people came about 2 minutes later. Oh and when we switched from SS#s to FINs last semester, a few people in my room couldn't remember their FINs so it created some sticky situations.

FW: Any last words of advice?
Flo: Just remember to number all your stuff before time is called, because you really can't write anything after the test is over. I know kids don't like that rule, but it would just be easier on everyone if everyone just followed it.

FW: Well thanks so much for sitting down with FishWatch, Flo. Hope to see you at the K final.
Flo: My pleasure. Good luck on exams, especially to the 1Ls.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

More fun with real property...

If you thought that constant cupcake pushing was not evidence enough of Dean T's sweet tooth, take a look at what I uncovered in Dukeminier...
For discussion of the contemporary significance of Pennsylvania Coal, see [Dean T], Jam for Jusice Holmes: Reasessing the Significance of Mahon, 86 Geo. L.J. 813 (1998).
--Jesse Dukeminer, Property, pg 1148
FishWatch is planning an exclusive with Dean T's dentist to get his take on all this.

And if you can't already tell by my culling through the text book for pretty meaningless quotes, things are not looking good for tomorrow.

Why Dukeminier, that is a good question...

“If you conclude, as do some courts, that transsexuals, but not persons of the same sex, should be able to marry, why must a man have his penis and testicles removed in order to marry his male partner?”
--Jesse Dukeminier, Property, pg 441

Saturday, May 06, 2006

The Soundtrack of Our Lives

JF, ER and I have been going over property, and to really get the material down, we decided to play songs on my laptop that correlate with the issue at hand. The playlist is below, and I'll try and figure out how to upload it on itunes so you can download it and maybe I can make some sort of profit. We are missing some topics, so please feel free to add what you are listening to.

Native Title:
"Colors of the Wind" from the feature film Pocahontas, performed by Vanessa Williams (pop single), or Lea Salonga Judy Kuhn (film version).

Marital Property:
"Confessions of a Broken Heart" (Daughter to Father) - a song about a daughter's despair and anger towards her deadbeat father, performed by Lindsay Lohan.

Feudal Foundations of Estates in Land:
Bach 704, Harpsichord Partitas 1-3, BWV 825-7, performed by Derek Adlam, Feldberg Harpsichord.

Zoning and Land Use Regulations:
“We Built This City (on Rock n’ Roll)” performed by Jefferson Starship.

The Rule of Capture, Pierson v. Post:
Soundtrack to Walt Disney’s “The Fox and the Hound,” performed by the Walt Disney Studios Orchestra, Zubin Metha, Conductor.

Homelessness and the Right to Shelter:
“Homeless” performed by Paul Simon, featuring Ladysmith Black Mambazo.