Wednesday, May 31, 2006

FishWatch Doppleganger still lurks...or am I his doppleganger? Probably the latter...

So my doppleganger is still out there, and up to his old tricks. In case you don't know what I am talking about, I'll give you a little background:

So my doppleganger is really only my doppleganger because he is also brown and has the same name as me (though he spells it FishWaatch), and the same first two letters of my last name.* We were on the same page of the freshman facebook in college, and he quickly established himself as the smart activist with a conscience, while I opted for the role of a cappella nerd who got by on grade inflation. Sometimes people would come up to me and say, "FishWa[a]tch, thank you so much for the email on child laborers in Ecuador. It really got me thinking about how I can get involved." I would always smile awkwardly and say "Singing group concert this Friday!" at which point most people would realize their mistake and run away before I tried to sell them a ticket.

Over the course of 4 years I would get the occasional voicemail and email asking "how can I get help save the sweatshop workers of Honduras," and "tell me more about your work curbing the spread of AIDS among prison populations worldwide."

During junior year many people congratulated me on getting the Truman scholarship and Senior year a lot of people were so happy that I got a Marshall fellowship. Except that I didn't. You guessed it, FishWaatch did.

On Class Day when the smart people got big prizes for being so smart, Dean B said: "And the winner of the [another rich person's endowment] prize, with 42 credits, 41 grades of A and 1 A-, a leader in fighting for social justice, Fishwa/atch...," at which point everyone in my area looked over at me bursting with pride, shocked that I had managed to get such good grades and fight for social justice while at the same time choreographing the big dance number for my spring a cappella jam. I even think I saw my parents look over in shock and start calling the other Indian parents on Long Island to start the bragging process. (I can safely say they did NOT do that after the big dance number).

Obviously, I knew what was coming next. He would start saying the real FishWaatch's last name, and at the beginning, everyone would STILL think it was me, but by the third letter, they would realize their mistake, and smiles would turn into looks of confusion. "There were two FishWa/atch's here?" they would all think to themselves. (Though I can't exactly complain about people thinking all brown people are the same, I mean how do you think I drank from ages 16-21?).

After college, I thought my feelings of inadequacy would fade, but when I would go back to school for football games (I just tailgated people, don't worry), someone would inevitably ask me how my time at Oxford on the Marshall fellowship was (by this point, I would just say things like "Amazing!" or "The Bestest!"). And when FishWaatch started at Harvard Law School, people would ask me how Harvard was going, and I would say, "No no, I go to F.U. Law," and they would say "OMG, do you have to take Metro North?"

Which brings me to day 1 of my internship, where I introduced myself to a fellow intern, an HLS 1L, who said, "Oh, I saw the email list and thought the FishWaatch from my class was working here, I was so excited, but I guess it's not him." The sad part is I had no singing group concert to invite her too. Except that if I did, it would be more sad.

So people, the take away here is that you can never out-do or out-run your doppleganger, so don't even try. I think the best bet is to just be as mediocre as possible and hope he takes pity on you one day and sets you up with someone at HLS who plans to make a lot of money, and, of course, loves a cappella.

*Also, I am not sure doppleganger is the right word to use when you are friends with the person, as I am with FishWaatch, but it's the best I can do.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Still no computer, still no sanity...

I am sorry again for being MIA, but I can't imagine anyone was reading this over the last few days, considering the only time you people read it is when you are bored out of your mind studying or writing something for a prize. But now that some of y'all have starting working (note that JF is in the Hamptons still and ER in St. Barths, and I am not making jokes this time), I figured I would get back to it.

The writing comp, as you all know, sucked. There was no motivation to be had, and really nothing to say about the quality of what I turned it. Except that I did print my stuff out on pink scented paper, so that might help.

Also, I was lucky enough to have to go home right after the writing comp and start packing to move uptown. I now live alone, so now when I die from my xanax overdose, no one will ever find me. But at least I can walk around naked.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

So with hours to go before we have to hand this puppy in, I am obvi reading the Thursday Styles section online. This article about bloggers was interesting, and my favorite part was:
Busted bloggers like Jessica Cutler (a former Capitol Hill intern whose blog, Washingtonienne, is now a novel), Nadine Haobsh (a former beauty editor whose blog Jolie in NYC earned her a two-book deal) and Jeremy Blachman (a lawyer whose blog Anonymous Lawyer is being released as "Anonymous Lawyer: A Novel" this summer) were all interns, entry-level employees and worker bees who traded up on in-the-trade secrets.
DO YOU THINK F.U. LAW WILL KICK ME OUT FOR THIS BLOG AND THEN I CAN GET A BOOK DEAL??? How fun would that be! Dean N-E, if you are reading this, please call about kicking me out before 4pm so I don't unnecessarily spend $100 on printing twenty-something copies of this thing (notice I used the numeral form for 100, but the written form for twenty! LOL, Bluebook is so fun!!).

Anyway, if you have any scandalous things that I can get in trouble for, please let me know, and I will keep you in mind when I look to hire my research assistant for the blog book to research such topics as why Oasis only works during business hours and an expose on what goes on in those journal offices once the writing competition entries are in.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

If I do well on this, maybe I'll make Law Review, and then maybe I will get a job at Cravath, and then maybe I will meet my husband!

If you had no motivation to finish this writing competition before, well now you do. It turns out that if you get a job at a top firm in NYC, you can land up with a 2.5-carat, radiant-cut, platinum-set fancy yellow diamond from Fred Leighton!

The Observer's Love Beat (think Sunday Styles with sarcasm and some prescription drugs) tells the story of two C-vath associates who happened to find love at the office. While I do think such love is possible (I mean, Prof F and his wife met at C-vath and are lovely people), this couple makes me a little worried. And it's not because their interactions make me want to vomit. It's because of this:
The following weekend, they decided to rent a car for a quick Hamptons getaway—only Mr. Perese, again, was working till midnight...Yes, on a Saturday. After he’d finished, they hailed a passing pedicab and took it to Hertz, hitting the road at 2 a.m. in a bright yellow Chevy Cobalt. They arrived at their B&B at 4 a.m.
A BED AND BREAKFAST? We are slaving away learning the bluebook to get these jobs only to have to stay at a BED AND BREAKFAST?!? If my C-vath husband and I cannot at least rent a house our first summer, this whole existence is meaningless, and he can keep the ring.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Like Sand Through the Hourglass...

Days of Our Lives was really good yesterday. I haven't really watched the show in 3 years, but it's nice to know that the Sammy-Austin-Lucas love and marriage triangle is still going on, at least I have that stability in my life. I also went through the three months of mail pile in my bedroom, which revealed a lot of angry letters from Cingular wireless, including some from a "collection agency." The sad part is, the amount in controversy is only $1.75, which seems like less than what the collection agent spends on the Starbucks he buys while he is waiting for me to come home. I also practiced my French (Je voudrais chevre svp) at the French cafe in my soon to be ex-neighborhood, spent about an hour on the phone with Applecare, found out that I need my laptop for work next Tuesday, which means I will probably get fired, went to dinner, and then re-organized my CD collection and listened to old hits like Arrested Development (Mr. Wendel, yeah yeah) and En Vogue (Free Your Mind, and the Rest Will Follow).

All in all, a very productive day, except for the fact that I have not really started this thing we call the "Writing Competition." The big manila envelope sits anxiously on my desk, my number (24601) looking me down and singing to me all day long about my enslavement to the Bluebook. I want to write it, I really do, but I simply don't think I have it in me. Do you think if I just print out all these posts and add some endnotes, it would count?

Anyway, tonight is dinner at my sister's and maybe I'll work on doing some damage to my netflix queue...and then maybe after The Notebook I'll get started, will keep you posted. But right now I have to go...I have to make lunch before "Days" starts at 1.

Monday, May 22, 2006

And So It Begins...

Well I have been going out non-stop since the Con Law final, but no bar/club/celebrity birthday party I have been to has had a line quite like the writing comp packet pick up line last night. I tried to find the VIP line, but I think they forgot to set one up. Some commemorative images below.

It was nice to see people after they had some time to get their eyebrows done and roots touched up, because things were looking a little scary the last day of finals, but everyone seems to be doing better now. Can't wait to see what y'all look like Thursday at 6:59:59, and I especially can't wait to see what you people who show up at 7:01 look like.

I imagine we will be dropping out of this competition like flies, so please post a comment the moment you decide to bail out, so we have a way of keeping track.

The line for cupcakes isn't even this long.

"Man, I need to stop dating Law Students."

By the time these people got in, Lindsay Lohan had already left.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

And to the fans...

So my laptop committed suicide right after the last post. Right after I printed out all my con law outlines, it basically said to me: "This year has been great -- 14 hour days together, every day, including weekends, was real...but I just can't take it anymore. I am really sorry to leave you right before the writing competition, but the thought of going back to the F.U. Law Libes is enough to drive anyone's hard drive to imbibe the bottle of grey goose that's been in the freezer since New Year's along with your month's supply of ambien. Best, Laptop."

So I am sorry to the fans for being MIA the last few days, but I myself just came out of a food and alcohol coma, and am now just feeling the loss of laptop. I wasn't even going to post this week, but felt inspired after Prof JP and I had the following encounter at the Section 5/6 Baseball outing (I think it was the Yankees? Someone confirm).

FW: Hi Prof JP, how are you?
Prof JP: Great, are you glad to be done?
FW: Yeah, it feels really great.
Prof JP: Yeah, and now you must have more time to blog.
FW: Uhhh...yeah.

Prof M was also there, and when we told him Trace Higgs ordered our tests from "Best" to "Least Best" and asked him what his system was for Civ Pro, he just laughed. We can only imagine what Prof H.B.'s system is for K.

Monday, May 15, 2006

The first thing on the 5 days of no law school to do list is to reacclimate myself to society...

Tomorrow this nightmare known as finals will finally be over, and though I am thrilled, I am kind of getting cold feet about rejoining the world. I must admit I went out on Friday night for 20 minutes since a friend was visiting from out of town and was at a bar 4 blocks from my apt, and it was not pretty.

I got a beer (GASP) and tried to stand at the bar with my friends and the other boys watching the girls dance to that lovely lady lumps song, but something just wasn't right, and it wasn't the fact that I was at a bar with girls inside. It was that I hadn't seen normal people in so long that I was just so unsure about so many things. Like for instance, I forgot that people actually wear nice things when they leave the house, or that they shave, or that their dermatologists actually fix their break outs.

Also, I really had nothing to say since I haven't had many non-outline related experiences recently. "I STARTED A BLOG," I remember blurting out at some point, but that is just not a cool thing to say to people whom you have not seen in many months. Because then you are not just a nerdy law student, you are a nerdy law student blogger. When they were like, "Well, you're almost done," I recall saying something like "YES BUT THEN I HAVE TO DO A WRITING COMPETITION," which also sounds extremely uncool to an unwitting non-law school friend. "What do you win?" they inevitably ask, clearly thinking this thing is optional. "TWO YEARS OF CITE CHECKING," I think I said, but really, I have no clue. It was all a blur. I just remember that no one laughed.

Anyway, I hope you all (and I) fare better tomorrow night when you inevitably drink too much because your tolerance is gone and wake up in the dorms even though you don't live there. Just remember to take your blue-books with you, because not being able to read it during your walk of shame would really suck.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

And of ALL the days to do this, they choose mother's day...

Since Con Law studying and Mother's Day happen to be overlapping today, I am particularly attuned to any gender discrimination that might be going on here at F.U. Law. So you can imagine my surprise when I walked past the women's restroom on the garden level to see a letter posted on the door about a recent mugging in the neighborhood. I assumed that the same letter would be posted on the men's bathroom door to warn at least the gays not to walk alone in the 'hood, but, alas, there was no such warning. Being the procrastinator that I am, I set out to find where else said letter was posted. I have only encountered one other copy in the library elevator.

If I were to inquire into the purpose of these selective postings, I would have to say that F.U. Law security is making a classification here: girls and those people too lazy to walk up the stairs are the most likely to get taken advantage of by a 5 ft 4 inch 45-50 year old hispanic woman. I guess in the end, the gays were warned, since I haven't seen one take the stairs since September.

A Gender Based Classification.

No Letter. Someone invoke heightened scrutiny, and quick.
Or is it intermediate. I have no f-ing clue and the test is on Tuesday.

The Security Alert in question.

Friday, May 12, 2006

The Celebs Love the Con Law Too...

Don't know if you happened to notice in the most recent Gawker Stalker, but anyone who is worth absolutely anything has been hanging around F.U. Law recently. A sampling below. A source close to Dean T reports that he is planning a star studded benefit gala for the victims of IcedCoffeeMeltdown, so maybe they were here for rehearsal, but perhaps it's something else.

If you happen to see any more celebs, don't let them have ANY cupcakes, whatever you do. I once ran into Hillary Duff at Magnolia and learned the hard way that celebrities + sugar = a nightmare for everyone involved.

Jessica Simpson walking back into her hotel after a night of NYC clubbing. 12:30am 59th and Columbus...

Saw Anderson Cooper last night at Whole Foods at Columbus Circle at around 8 p.m...

Eva Longoria—5:15pm, 9th ave and 57th street...

Dustin Hoffman walking alone in Columbus circle...

Saw Will Smith at the Mandarin Oriental...

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, at CVS pharmacy on the corner of 58th & 9th...

Paul Simon sneaking out the back door of the Lincoln Jazz Center at the Time Warner Bldg...

Time Warner Building, May 9th, 3pm, I saw Ivanka Trump in the bathroom on the third floor...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

F.U. Law fears group suicide once grades come out...Organizes seminar to convince us to hold on for a bit longer...

So apparantly F.U. Law thinks we are all going to die before we hit 35. For once, they may be right. I don't plan to make it to mid Summer, so my mid-thirties is pretty much out of the question. As such, I don't really see the point of me going, but maybe some of y'all should go and get some tips such as how not to jump out of your firm window or the client's corporate jet. Also I am sure they will touch on not overdosing on your anti-depressants and propecia until you are 36 or G*d forbid 40.

From: Career- Planning
Date: Thursday - May 11, 2006 2:47 PM
Subject: SBA Program: Getting to 35

Hi Class of 2007 and 2008,

The SBA Program, Getting to 35, will be held on Sunday, June 11th at 8pm in the Moot Court Room and Monday, June 12th at 8pm in the Moot Court Room. These two sessions are identical but neither will be videotaped.

The SBA will be sending email announcements about this program and posting flyers. This is not a CPC program.

Thank you
The Career Planning Center

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

What you could be writing about if you were still in college, instead of at F-ing F.U. Law...

ER and I are studying at the law school down south today, and found all the 1Ls drinking 40s in the courtyard at 3pm after their last final. ER slapped one in the face a la Joan Crawford hitting Christina in front of Barbara Bennett when he asked her if she wanted some beer.

Also, we found the following college senior thesis at the printer, and it literally made us cry:

Popular Representations of Jewish Identity on Primetime Television: The Case of The O.C.
Chapter 4: Television and the Construction of a White, Post Jewish Identity: A Close Reading of The O.C.
Page 5's topic heading is "A Chrismukkah Story."


First we cried from laughing so hard...and then we cried from sadness, as we realized people out there get to do things like this and we don't. Don't get me wrong, I wrote my fair share of bullshit papers in college (The Gap Ads one comes to mind), but I somehow feel that those days are behind me. Obvi, I am going to find a way to mention Seth and Summer on the K final tomorrow.

Examining the Examiner: Bush approval rating way down, but at least we can all agree on the poopy smell back on 4/20...

The Examiner vigilantly continues to explore reactions to the bad, septic-esque smell on the garden level back on April 20th (4-20...huh huh...huh huh) through its online, interactive, fancy schmancy poll, and F.U. Law Students continue to agree overwhelmingly that it was, in fact, awful. A source at the Examiner tells us that upcoming polls include current, hot-button topics such as 1Ls' thoughts on "Legal Process" and whether Kanye's reaction to Katrina was overdramatic or an accurate assessment of race relations in America.

Did you notice the overwhelming stench in the corridor
of the basement level on Thursday, April 20?

Answers Votes Percent
Yes, and it was awful 51 70%
Yes, but it's got nothing on the Lowenstein entrance 7 10%
Yes, and I think it was an Earth Day project 5 7%
Nope, I've never been to the basement level 3 4%
Nope, it blended in the usual smell of trash 7 10%

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

LibraryIcedCoffeeMeltdown5/3/06Watch Day Something or the Other: T-Shirts are designed, and just in time for summer!

Since people clearly only read this blog when it has to do with the IcedCoffeeMeltdown, it's a good thing Marc Jacobs finally got back to me on the T-Shirt design, or pretty soon we would be back to just JF, ER and CH reading this thing. I am heading over to his Bleecker St. store after the K final Thursday, so I'll be in the best position to talk confidently about pricing and quantity, and orders can be sent in after the K is signed. Start thinking about color and sizes now.

David Blaine is Dunzo, Can Stop Secretly Coming into the F.U. Law Building at 3am to Take a Crap in the Garden Level Men's Bathroom

So stuntman/ magician/ overallsuperfreak David Blaine failed to break the record last night (boo hoo). At least now we finally can go back to studying in peace. A reader pointed out an interesting quote from the NYTimes piece:
To the matter of Mr. Blaine's unusual choice of vocation, one always wants to ask: What would have been so bad about law school?
I totally agree. Because sitting here trying to memorize a UCC Damages FlowChart is sooooo much better than sitting in a tank for a week while children and celebrities come and knock on the glass.

Also interesting was this quote from another article:
Earlier Monday, a doctor who supervised Blaine's underwater routine told the New York Times that his patient was "pushing his body insanely to the limits." "I told him he needed to get out of the water, and he refused me," Dr. Murat Gunel said in the newspaper. "He said he did not want to let the people down."
Well if the at least five “I hope he dies” I heard when finally going to see him are any indication…I am pretty sure he let people down anyway.

Monday, May 08, 2006

FishWatch Exclusive: The Exam Proctor Interview

FishWatch had an opportunity today to sit down with F.U. Law School exam proctor, Proctor Flo, to ask the questions F.U. Law Students have always wanted to ask of the people who come in and out of our lives twice a year.

FW: Tell me Flo, how did you get involved in Proctoring?
Flo: Well, my friend Virginia had been doing it for a while over at Brooklyn Law, and I thought it sounded really fun, so asked around and found out that F.U. Law had some openings. This was about 13 years ago at this point. Wow, time flies.

FW: And what do you do during the rest of the year?
Flo: I substitute teach at East Islip Junior and Senior High School out on Long Island.

FW: Flo, how come proctors always seem to mess up people's names? And I'm not just talking about the ethnic ones.
Flo: Well, actually, it's a little game we proctors like to play, you know, to do our part for society...letting the Smiths and Jones' of the world know what it's like to be different in a world that shuns nonconformity.

FW: What do you like to do for fun during the exam?
Flo: I like to make up stories about each student, think about back-stories for each one, kind of like on "Lost." Sometimes I'll bring a book, but the other proctors tend to read over my shoulder and I just can't stand that, so most of the time I am developing the back-stories.

FW: How do you guys decide who gets to read the instructions and give the 15 minute warning? It seems to me that it's always the same person, like, you guys never switch off.
Flo: Well it's strict seniority. I have been here for 13 years, started out as a hall monitor, but worked my way up to #2 room proctor. Alice, my co-proctor, signed up about a month before me, so she gets to do the instructions and stuff, but her husband just took a job down in Florida, so I think next winter I'll start with the instructions and warnings and someone else will have to do the exam collection and singing out.

FW: What's the worst thing that has ever happened during a test?
Flo: Back in Spring 1997, Alice and I ran out of bluebooks and those people down in the [Ken P's] office weren't sending up new ones fast enough, so the kids were getting really mad. I mean, we couldn't stop time or anything, and things just got out of control. People had to start writing on like the back blue page and stuff until [Ken P's] people came about 2 minutes later. Oh and when we switched from SS#s to FINs last semester, a few people in my room couldn't remember their FINs so it created some sticky situations.

FW: Any last words of advice?
Flo: Just remember to number all your stuff before time is called, because you really can't write anything after the test is over. I know kids don't like that rule, but it would just be easier on everyone if everyone just followed it.

FW: Well thanks so much for sitting down with FishWatch, Flo. Hope to see you at the K final.
Flo: My pleasure. Good luck on exams, especially to the 1Ls.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

More fun with real property...

If you thought that constant cupcake pushing was not evidence enough of Dean T's sweet tooth, take a look at what I uncovered in Dukeminier...
For discussion of the contemporary significance of Pennsylvania Coal, see [Dean T], Jam for Jusice Holmes: Reasessing the Significance of Mahon, 86 Geo. L.J. 813 (1998).
--Jesse Dukeminer, Property, pg 1148
FishWatch is planning an exclusive with Dean T's dentist to get his take on all this.

And if you can't already tell by my culling through the text book for pretty meaningless quotes, things are not looking good for tomorrow.

Why Dukeminier, that is a good question...

“If you conclude, as do some courts, that transsexuals, but not persons of the same sex, should be able to marry, why must a man have his penis and testicles removed in order to marry his male partner?”
--Jesse Dukeminier, Property, pg 441

Saturday, May 06, 2006

The Soundtrack of Our Lives

JF, ER and I have been going over property, and to really get the material down, we decided to play songs on my laptop that correlate with the issue at hand. The playlist is below, and I'll try and figure out how to upload it on itunes so you can download it and maybe I can make some sort of profit. We are missing some topics, so please feel free to add what you are listening to.

Native Title:
"Colors of the Wind" from the feature film Pocahontas, performed by Vanessa Williams (pop single), or Lea Salonga Judy Kuhn (film version).

Marital Property:
"Confessions of a Broken Heart" (Daughter to Father) - a song about a daughter's despair and anger towards her deadbeat father, performed by Lindsay Lohan.

Feudal Foundations of Estates in Land:
Bach 704, Harpsichord Partitas 1-3, BWV 825-7, performed by Derek Adlam, Feldberg Harpsichord.

Zoning and Land Use Regulations:
“We Built This City (on Rock n’ Roll)” performed by Jefferson Starship.

The Rule of Capture, Pierson v. Post:
Soundtrack to Walt Disney’s “The Fox and the Hound,” performed by the Walt Disney Studios Orchestra, Zubin Metha, Conductor.

Homelessness and the Right to Shelter:
“Homeless” performed by Paul Simon, featuring Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Don't worry, the Po-Po are here to protect us...

I don't want to speculate as to why the fuzz is outside in large numbers, for fear of fanning flames, so will just OBSERVE that there are a large numbers of po-po outside the building, the timing of which does raise some eyebrows...

FishWatch Poll

Would you rather be in the tank with David Blaine, or studying future interests? Unforch, I don't have that special F.U. Law Examiner poll technology, but we'll make do:

___ Tank with David Blaine and his catheter

___ To A for life, then to B and the hairs of his body.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

You know what they say about a student body with small feet...and also extra large feet...

I wasn't really sure what to make of this email today, but I'm glad to have something else to talk about for the moment. I mean, are we all just super abnormal?

From: Dean T
Date: Thursday - May 4, 2006 11:14 AM
Subject: Flip-Flops: Small and Extra Large

Dear Fordham Law School Students,

We have recently placed an order for additional flip flops in small and extra large sizes, because of the unexpectedly high demand for those sizes.
Translation: We bought flip-flops for people with normal sized peen-peens, but it seems like students here either have huge peen-peens or very small peen-peens. This didn't happen at YALE LAW SCHOOL where everyone had very, very intelligent peen-peens.

And for the love of G*d people, please don't post comments about people at F.U. Law you've hooked up with's peen-peen sizes because I really don't want more anger directed at me for giving you pervs a forum...

LibraryIcedCoffeeMeltdown5/3/06Watch Day 2: This thing is bigger than we thought...

This incident may be even more serious than we originally thought. Overheard today after the CivPro Final:

F.U. Student 1: OMG, were you in the library yesterday morning?
F.U. Student 2: No, I wasn't but I heard all about it.
F.U. Student 1: Wow, you totally should have seen her, it was amazing. Can't believe you weren't there.
F.U. Student 2: I know, this is just like 9/11 when I was in the Hamptons and missed the whole thing.

LibraryIcedCoffeeMeltdown5/3/06Watch Day 2: Crazy in the Caf

I almost didn't believe one commenter yesterday, so had to check it out for myself. Lo(han) and behold, someone has in fact placed a sign on the free hot beverages. "Not For Throwing" is one option for the IcedCoffeeMeltdown T-Shirts FishWatch is making. Other suggestions include "Got Coffeed at F.U." and "CoffeeWrestleMania2006." Please suggest others. Winning slogan gets a free shirt.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

LibraryIcedCoffeeMeltDownMay3rd2006Watch: This thing is having BROAD implications on all matters of F.U. Life...

We have already seen the implications of LibraryIcedCoffeeMeltDown5/3/06. Security at the front door was incredibly tight today coming back in from lunch. They actually made JF take her ID out of her wallet and looked at it. My backpack was given the extra eye by Library personnel. (Admittedly, it had a sandwich and carrot/apple/orange/grapefruit juice from lunchbox in it - it's delicious). The Faculty has been instructed by the higher ups at Rose Hill to wear stain proof clothes and lock doors when inside their offices. Students have been advised to take plenty of echinacea. The PIRC has evacuated all non-essential volunteers.

By now we have all realized that this is going to be the new day we refer to as the day that changed things, like "Ever since 5/3/06, I just can't bring myself to eat sashimi," and "ever since IcedCoffeeMeltdown my ambien just hasn't been working." At least we still have sushi and lunesta.

LibraryIcedCoffeeMeltDownMay3rd2006Watch: For the screenplay writers out there...

A reader sent us an IM play by play of what happened this morning. Yes I have a final tomorrow, but this is far more important. Obvi this will be a pivotal scene in "Trace Higgs: The Movie Musical."

[redacted] (9:37:09 AM): so a girl (1L) comes in, and the guy from the desk
follows her and is like i'm sorr you can't drink that coffee in here
[redacted] (9:37:41 AM): she was like yes i can , he wa slike no i'm
sorry you can't ... she goes, ar eyou fucking kidding, he goes, you
can't drink the coffee, she goes get out fo my fucking face i'm
drinking my coffee here
[redacted] (9:38:08 AM): he leaves, comes back and was like you can't
have the coffee, she was like are you fucking nuts and totally freaked
out on him... then threw the stupdi coffee in question at him
[redacted] (9:38:12 AM): fortunately its ices
[redacted] (9:38:19 AM): and now just got kcicked out of the library by security
[redacted] (9:38:56 AM): she is fighting with security
[redacted] (9:39:06 AM): i mean honestly, would it really have been so
hard to give up your coffee
[redacted] (9:39:09 AM): she is hystercially cfrying
[redacted]: they are sending her to the deans

We interrupt CrunchTime to bring you this important BDP update...

FULL ON BDP (Brokedown Palace) in the libes just now. Here is what we know:

A girl tried to enter the library with a plastic cup of iced coffee. The librarian told her she couldn't bring it in, and she started yelling and saying "GET THE F- OUT OF MY FACE." Some words were exchanged, she somehow made it to her seat and then threw the coffee at the librarian and onto the floor. Then she sat down as if nothing happened, outlining away. Well S3 was abuzz, security was called, and last I heard she was escorted out of there. I also just heard clapping of some sort, maybe she came back and took a bow? The ice cubes, coffee and lid are still by her seat on S3 for any people wanting to see. It's times like these you regret not bringing your digicam to school.

Very little time to blog today, because it's officially...

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go, you come and go, oh oh oh...

My friend LL raised a question to his readership the other day about Karma as a means of finals preparation, and if good deeds count when you do them specifically to derive the karmic benefit for law school finals.

Rather than debate with him the rules of karma, ER decided to just get to it. As we were about to go down the steps to the A/C/E last night, she noticed an old woman with one of those old woman carts full to the brim with packages. ER said "let's help her," as I was basically pushing a toddler and his mom out of the way to get to the train. When ER asked the woman if she could help, the old lady responded in her lovely eastern european accent, "Oh you can't help me. This too heavy for a woman." Trace Higgs would NOT have been pleased.

Despite the facially non-neutral gender classification, ER started to help her, but was, in fact, having some trouble balancing on the stairs with the old lady cart and her 55lb Coach Weekend bag. Obvi, I, as the man, was then forced to help too, but was happy to since I knew I would probably get double points for helping TWO women. We finally got down to the bottom, and when the woman said "Oh, G*d bless you," I asked if she could specifically ask H*m to bless us on May 4th, 8th, 11th and 16th. Oh and the 21st to the 25th as well. My eastern european is a little rusty, but I am pretty sure she said "forum shopping! forum shopping! forum shopping!" and then she spit at our feet.

The lesson here kids, is that it DOES count when you do good deeds for selfish reasons, otherwise they wouldn't let you count those pro bono hours as billable. I plan to do more good deeds tonight, so if you need a pen or something, let me know.

Monday, May 01, 2006

The FishWatch Review of Books

My roommate works in the vast underworld known as "the media," and so sometimes he brings home some very interesting books by important contemporary writers. I'd like to share some inspirational quotes from these works to help get you through tough times.

From Shine, by Star Jones Reynolds -
Chapter 3: Are You Your Most Gorgeous?
"Pulling yourself together doesn't mean only when you have a big date or going to your cousin's wedding. I don't want to put pressure on you, sister, but I think you should try to look your best whenever you leave the house, and, if you have a good-looking neighbor who may want to borrow a cup of sugar, even when you're in your own house."

Chapter 5: Think Like a Lawyer
"When you meet a man who looks very wonderful and promising, you both need to think like lawyers....Deal with your own bad junk before the other side deals with it - that's what lawyers do."

From Fabulosity, by Kimora Lee Simmons
"Fake it 'til you make it. I don't mean to fake being somebody you're not or being a phony. I mean tell yourself that you're great even when some part of you is doubting it."

"As you acquire more money, managing it doesn't get easier. It gets more complicated. Like Biggie said, 'Mo money, mo problems.'"

And finally, The Truth About Diamonds, by Nicole Richie
"The last thing I heard before we left was the chubby Asian reporter asking Joey in a voice tinged with equal parts terror and titillation, 'Dude, tell me you didn't seriously wear those panties...?'"