Friday, June 27, 2008

Spread Wills, Not Disease.

This news came into our inbox this morning, just in time for Pride.

According to a new city Health Department study, one in four adults in New York City has genital per stirpes.

Twenty-six percent of citizens who live in the five boroughs are walking around with per stirpes, a full 7 percent above the natural average. Here in NYC, the rate is even higher among FU Law Students, BBri Administrators, and gay men. (If any of you are all three, good luck to you).

Be safe this Pride Weekend, y'all. We are off to the beach. Again. (Failure).

Thursday, June 26, 2008

FishWatch Wills Hypo 34a

During the Wills Lecture, JH writes out a Will for FishWatch on one of 3 of FishWatch's bananas (we get hungry, OK?), stating the following, "I leave JH my pressure cooker." He then forces FitchWatch to initial the Will, whispering forcefully (so as not to disturb people actually paying attention) "just do it, I will leave you my Kitchen Aid mixer." FW resists, but not too forcefully, since he does really want said mixer. Two witnesses sign after JH points out FW's signature to them. See diagram below:

JH then has FishWatch write out a Will for him on a Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheet, saying "I leave Fishwatch my uhm-pire red Kitchen Aid Standing Mixer," signs it, and has two witness sign too. See below.

JH then asks for another Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheet. Reluctant at first, FishWatch notices some shine on JH's nose and acquiesces. JH then secretly writes, "I Hereby Revoke Will #1!!!" and signs it. Below the signature, he writes, "I leave my standing mixer and Fee Simple to J.F." as shown below.

FishWatch then dies of boredom. What result?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

At Least Someone Is Making Use of These Things...

We just spent a few minutes walking around the clinic offices looking for someone to bother, when we came across a brilliant use of the legal size NY Outline book that some of us (mostly us) have yet to crack open. I vaguely remember Regional Regional Director person telling us on Day One that the book won't really be that useful to us, but now I am convinced since it seems very comfortable as a base for random computer screens...

Please let us know if you have found other such uses for these books as reduce/reuse/recycle should be the theme of all of our lives during these green times.

Notice the blank screen. Is that FishWatch we see on the taskbar?

These screens are equipped with the ability to increase the height, but why
use that feature when B-bri books are so much more aesthetically pleasing?
Also, that IS FishWatch on the taskbar! Caught.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Apologies, Beach, No Work, Carbs...The Usual.

Many, many apologies for the delay, but the “day off” on Thursday really messed us up. What did y’all do with your day off? We inaugurated our pressure cooker and made dal and also packed for our weekend trip to the beach. A few thoughts:

  • Did anyone go to “Essay Advantage?” We know you did, so spill, and tell us what kind of people attended.
  • “Studying” at the beach is very, very difficult. As always, we brought every single book we could carry and got through approximately 1-2 pages. We did bring the Yellow testing book this time, which went very well with our new green hand me down Vilebrequin, but is now full of sand in addition to its un-annotated pages.
  • When you go away for the weekend, you take it as license to eat every single carbohydrate in sight. We are not kidding, on Saturday, we had 2 bagels, a Buttercup bakery cupcake, a donut, and 2-3 of those Levain bakery cookies that are purposefully undercooked on the inside. That was in addition to the 2 shrimp baskets and fried clams. We can only wonder what JH and JF ate on their respective weekend trips, but silence is basically an admission in this matter, so we assume the worst.
  • In other news, today we went to the afternoon class (um, we actually had things to do this morning), and noticed a few gems. Apparently VH214 Afternoon Session has a “Bar Mustache Club,” in the same vein as November Beard Club, or other such facial hair oriented organizations. We imagine they are growing them out until July 31st. Three men sit in the back and stroke said mustaches in unison for the entire lecture, and we are seriously thinking of joining them.
  • Some preppy girls in front of us today apparently know a “John Smith” who imputes “unchastity” to women, and simultaneously suffers from a loathsome disease, as anytime Potty Mouth Torts Prof used John Smith in a hypo in the abovementioned categories, they looked at each other and started laughing uncontrollably.
  • It’s really defamation to say someone is gay in New York? Um, we are screwed (see Wednesday’s post). Luckily, as we learned, truth is a defense, and we have that handy chart to offer into evidence, which should meet a clear and convincing, or at least preponderance of the evidence standard.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Now This Blog Is Not Interested in Outing People, but Izzy and George was Just Too Much...

We, like you were bored to tears the last 3 days in K. We, unlike you, however, made a helpful comparison chart in case you were wondering if D.Sokols was really a gay man in disguise. Behold...



  • Mention of “wife”
  • Fascination with Dr. House and his Houses
  • Bad Haircut (did you notice the two little squiggly things coming down his forehead?)
  • Fascination with Desparate Housewives, (including odd joke about being in the shower with Eva Longoria-Parker, the kind we would have made in High School/First two year of college (yes it took us that long, ok?))
  • Hypo with Tiger Woods (pg 47) (gays don’t care for sports)
  • Hypo with Derek Jeter (pg 47) (gays know Mariah’s exes)
  • Use of Xena, Warrior Princess in a Hypo (apparently the straights and lesbians heart her)
  • Use of Ashlee, Fantasia, and Bjork in Hypos (pp 18, 48)
  • Constant use of Opie and Goober (did gays even know about the Andy Griffith Show?)
  • Use of Tori in a Hypo (Clearly Tori Spelling – the gays loved 9-0 and Absolutely Tori) (pg 47)
  • Mispronunciation of “Beyon-seh”
  • Said “Beyon-seh” in a really gay way.
  • Bad shirt and tie combo
  • Clear fascination with interior design (Martha’s decorating, antique rugs, Van Gough portraits).
  • Use of Comic Book Characters
  • Use of Batman and Robin (along with innuendo about them living together – another attempt at the use of gay humor to “pass.”)

  • Constant reference to Bravo TV – PR (Heidi, Michael Kors), Top Chef (Tom and Dale, pg 10), and Queer Eye (Thom).

Monday, June 16, 2008

We've Gotta Get These Mothaf*ckin Bar Review Books off this Mothaf*ckin Plane...

It is amazing how much attention your Multi State Questions Practice Questions Volume 1 (MPQ1) book gets you during domestic travel. This morning we woke up in a southern red state, packed our bag, and set off for the airport, MPQ1 in hand. When we went through security, we got an "oh wow, that's a big book" from the TSA person. Worried she was perceiving it as a threat, we gave the book it's own bin, much like our laptop and sent it through the machine.

As we sat doing practice questions outside the gate (yes we know regional regional director guy told us to practice perfectly, not during transit), we noticed many eyes looking our way, wondering what this big green volume was that was engrossing us so, and both loved and feared all the attention.

As we sat down in 10C, continuing with evidence set 1 (OK that is a lie, we are WAY farther behind than that), we noticed a cute southern boy making his way down the aisle. "Wouldn't it be nice if he were in 10D," we thought to ourselves. Lo(han) and behold, he stood next to us and said "ex-cyoosee me," as we rose to let him in to sit by the window.

"Whatchya stud-yin," he asked, in a sweet southern drawl as his blue eyes peered over the set of questions.

"Oh, we are taking the Bar exam this summer."

"[Redacted Southern State] or New Jersey," he asked (we were flying into Newark, so we forgive him).

"Actually New York," we responded.

"Oh, I hear that is a hard one. I took a law class once, it was fun, but not for me."

"And what do you do?"

"I am an accountant," he said.

"Oh, well at least you are of a learn-ed profession, and get the benefit of the statutes of limitations for any malpractice you may commit." OK, we didn't say that, but were impressed we remembered. We returned to our studying.

Upon landing in Newark, some lawyer looking people on the AirTrain looked over at us and literally pointed and laughed.

An old man at the NJ Transit stop said to us out of the blue, "Good luck on the exam."

At this point, it was getting ridiculous, so we were quite glad to go straight to a place where we blended in just fine - the afternoon session of B-bri.

We knew it was going to be much more chill than the AM when we walked in and Tiger Woods was on the screen playing a round at Torey Pines instead of the draconian cell phone warning (which might be why 2 cell phones went off during the K lecture). But it was confirmed when people walked in late and none of the administrators yelled at them for their Passes. Also, no one minded when we ate the v. intense Indian lunch mom packed for us this morning.

That being said, the lack of crazyness in the room meant we took 0 notes and learned nothing about K. Back to the am grind tomorrow, where we hope the bottled up anxiety and will inspire us to carry MPQ1 out to Beige tomorrow night. See all of you there - just bring the yellow book please so we don't look too matchy matchy.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Bar Studying Is Much Harder (Slash More Fun) After 2/3 of a Bottle of Wine...

We interrupt this intense studying weekend to report on one of the more bizarre evenings of our lives. We are currently in a southern (red) state where our parents live. Our mom said to us when we landed, “You and I are going to a dinner party at my new friend’s house tonight.” We (of course) said we could do nothing this weekend except study, eat her food, and go to Marshall’s and Ross Dress for Less for deeply discounted clothing and shoes. But she insisted, saying that gays would be there. “Gays? Here?” we responded. She nodded enthusiastically. We gave in.

And gays there were. Two gay couples in fact, about our mom’s age. We were fascinated and thrilled. The hostess was a lovely woman who grew up first in a small Jewish community in Calcutta followed by a small Jewish community in Beverly Hills, who at one point screamed, "Can I help it if I love my gay friends?" On the other hand, she liked to call Obama an anti-Semite, which we gays did NOT like, and we all fought back in between the risotto and churrasco with chimichurri. Also present was a straight (married) interior designer, who kept talking to us about “chicks” and how we must be loving NYC cause there are so many of them there and that we should redesign our apartment in dark tones and clean lines to lure them in. Really?

Everyone said the F word a lot and drank heavily (and asked about the Bar and whether we were taking a class!). Our mom, of course, embarrassingly brought up our a cappella past, which the gays loved. At the end of the night, Gay #3 said that he and Gay #4 had to leave since they had yoga in the morning and Gay #1 said that he and Gay #2 had to make brunch for their friend with whom they did a lot coke in the 70s. (Reminder, this was all in front of our Mom, who is drunk after a 1/2 glass of zinfindel). The hostess pointed out that Obams did a lot of coke. “And so we heart him,” the gays said on the way out.

Yes, yes, we know it is Father’s Day, but this post is basically to give a huge shout out to Mom, who has somehow moved out of the New York area and down south only to become a fag-hag. And so we heart her.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Week 4 (OMG Week 4?) In Review...

  • We were victimized by the emerging competitive spirit (they did tell us to adopt First Year Mentality, no? Some people took it to heart).

Other Thoughts:
  • Does anyone else think M.Simms (Evidence, Crim) is kind of hot? Also he has 5 kids. Do you prefer "DILF" or "FILF"? He became less good looking though, when he told us today to stop slacking off (Monday maybe?)
  • His accents, though, need some coaching. Maybe PFran can help. Also, one should never joke about Lindsay Lohan dying (Hypos 43-44, Dead Man's Statute). We are thinking he will be played by Eric Bana in "B-Bri, the Movie Musical."
  • Leo Lakin (NY Essay Workshop) needs to start drinking with a straw since that slurping pop sound when he sips his water is truly gross. Also, did anyone catch his fingers up in the air whenever he said a number? "6" required two hands, which, thankfully for us meant he was not drinking water for that brief moment. Leo reminded us that this exam is in seven (two hands in the air people!) weeks, which prompted our room to start booing. (Power to the people). He will, as JH pointed out, be played by John McLaughlin of the McLaughlin Group in his first acting role.
  • On a side note, DK texted us from the beach this morning where he was purportedly "studying" and "doing practice problems." Hate.
  • We are off to Mom and Dad's (no where near the beach) tomorrow morning to lock ourselves in a room for 48 hours and start learning the law, (with food breaks every 1-2 hours, of course). We will try our best to catch up since we are getting sort of tired of lying to CH every time he asks us if we are up to speed. Wish us luck.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Next Thing You Know People Will Be Stealing Our MPQ1 Book

We know that only two days ago, we said “we are all in this thing together,” but the past 48 hours have made us reconsider. Somehow a competitive spirit has emerged, and we are not pleased.

Just the other day, we went with some peeps to the gross (slash delicious) Diner near our downtown B-bri location, and ordered the Turkey Burger (Deluxe, natch). When the burgers arrived, we were sad to see that we got the gross ends of the tomato, while RS got nice big central pieces. He eyed his pieces but proceeded to eat his burger without them. When we asked if we could have his, he raised his eyebrow and said “sure,” which we thought was very nice of him. Only when we returned to the Libes did we read on the internets that tomatoes now have salmonella! We can only assume that RS tried to inflict us purposefully with tomato ‘nella (ay ay ay) so we become dreadfully ill and can no longer study for the Bar.

JH has also been caught up in the competitive spirit of the last 48 hours. He has started making flashcards, but has purposefully handwritten them extremely sloppily so as to prevent us from ever being able to read them or make any use of them. Additionally, he has made many muffins over the last few days but has only shared one with us so as to prevent us from being able to pay attention during the lecture because we are so starving all the time. We also now are starting to think that his and JF’s push to get us to blog again is simply an attempt to distract us from the famed "paced program."

We hope these acts of betrayal and backstabbing soon end as we really need all the support, encouragement, and non-tomato ‘nella infested snacks we can get at this point.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


We all knew it would happen. Back during finals when we complained about how our dermatologist could not prevent the "finals pimple," a friend who has been through all this said to us, "Oh, just wait until the Bar – your skin will get extra special." And so begins our continuing segment, BarPimpleWatch2008.

BarPimpleWatch sadly begins at home, since we had our first bout with BarPimples (plural!) last week. Luckily they arrived JUST in time for our 5th Year College Reunion, the point of which, by the way, is to show everyone how much you have improved since college. (Yeah, that didn't happen for some of us, but at least our de-provement was just external and also didn't involve methamphetamines).

Also, our BarPimples provided a nice topic of conversation for some people. Behold:

FW: Hello [Redacted]! Great seeing you.
[Redacted]: OMG great to see you too.

(FW and [Redacted] engage in the "where are you, what are you up to" talking points.)

Enter AR, friend of FW.

[Redacted]: Hey AR!
AR: Hey…youuuuuuuuu (clearly not remembering [Redacted]).
[Redacted]: How are you? Great to see you.
AR: Yeah. (Searching for something to say). FW, you have pimples!
FW: Thanks.

Exeunt AR.

JF also texted us last week informing us of her first BarPimple, so it is not unique to downtown locations. She also said she is planning a Note topic examining the rise in Accutane prescriptions and ProActiv orders within a 5 mile radius of B-Bri locations in June and July over the last five years. We wish her well.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

And we're back...

Hello again. Many FW fans have been demanding the return of Fishwatch during this trying, coma inducing time known as "Bar review." (OK only 2 people, JH and JF). Since we are bored to tears anyway, we thought we would give in to the reader(s)’s demands even though other (former) readers (CH) advise that we only study 100% of the time and do practice problems 24/7. So here we are.

Some initial notes about b-bri to get us started:

  • How many of you laughed out loud and shed a tear of nostalgia when on day one, regional director guy (who will obvs be played by Martin Short in “B-Bri, The Movie Musical”) told us that we could have coffee, but only if it had lids. Personally, we would have advised anyone sitting next to you know who to take note that lids are NOT going to protect you from B-bri breakdowns in late July.
  • Also, remember on day one when regional director guy said, “no odorous foods?” He looked directly at us (even though we're at a video locale) and said “No Curry in the morning, please.” Blatant and invidious discrimination. (That didn't stop us though. Sorry VH room 206!).
  • Additionally, he told us to print out a picture of the person we didn’t think would pass, and paste it on our computers for Inspiration. Personally, we have a pic of JFK Jr., wet and shirtless circa 1997 taped up on our computer, but if you want to chose someone ugly AND Bar challenged, you go right ahead.
  • Paula f-ing Franzese. A-may-zing. Even though she got Kelly and Michelle’s part in Surivor(ship) wrong (technically “wha” not “word,” PFran), we heart her. Water people? Loved it (and totally wrote it down!). Also, JH pointed out that she and Mariah have the same hair extensions. Who will play her? Please make suggestions now.
  • We also hearted M. Kaufman (played by Wallace Shawn in “B-bri, the Movie Musical”), if only because he actually panted when he said “obedience.”
  • D. Freer’s comeback gave us horrible flashbacks to April 2006, but somehow the 6 hours over two days and with minimal B&T seemed more manageable than the 8 hour “Welcome Friends from New Jersey” hell we endured first year.

The only good thing we see about B-bri is that it transcends school lines – I have seen many a FU friend in the building the past two weeks (including RishKap who told us that might be in danger, but that is for another post). FU friends have been emailing us, telling us they were so thrilled to join PFran’s facebook group and display their undying love for her all over the internets. Older (but younger looking) and wiser FU friends have been sending us old outlines and study tips (shoutouts to NH, RB, and CH). Really, we are all in this together. So let us go forth, and BarWatch2008.