Sunday, May 10, 2009

It Hurts Our Liver to Even Write This...

Since we last spoke, we have (1) run a half marathon, (2) retaken to the bottle, and (3) welcomed a new family member in the world. Each in turn, people, please have patience.

(1) The Half Thon was a very fun experience, we hope to recreate it at some point, or move on the the full one. After reflecting on this event and the "sprint" triathlon we did a few years ago (half the olympic distance), we are beginning to think maybe we are best suited for half things since they sound really hard ("oooohhh, a triathlon," and "ahhhhhhh - a Marathon!"), but really only half the effort goes into it. But maybe it's time we undertook the whole thing, at the very least, just for shirts to wear later. We'd also like to give a shout out to our dad who also ran the race and did very well.

(2) Since the half-thon is over, our half (or fully) dumb idea to give up booze during training has ended. Since the race was a week ago, we have obviously been out drinking 7 times, wanted to die the morning after at least 6 of them, and have seriously considered going back to train for something if only to be spared this horrible feeling in our heads, stomachs, and elbows. We started off with beer with meals, and graduated to wine after work, but this weekend it was all standards and class thrown aside, and we went for the $2 mojitos and $4 well drinks on Friday and (free) watermelon gin fizzes on someone's roof the next day. Our liver was not ready for these kinds of things and now hates us.

(3) Our cousin had a baby! She is so cute, we die, and now want 1209382 babies of our own asap. Baby daddies out there - call us!


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

It's Offish Y'all!

Today we were sworn in to the Bar, which for all you non-lawyers means we can now be disbarred for co-mingling funds, stealing other people's money, or otherwise being a horrible human being.

Yesterday was our "interview," which consisted of the following:

Interviewer: So, tell me you have a job.
FW: Praise Xenu, we do.
Interviewer: Oh, I see you went to Y.U. for undergrad. Do you know Guido Calabresi?
FW: Judge Calabresi? Um...not personally, no.
Interviewer: Did you know he was Jewish?
FW: Hm, we did not.
Interviewer: With a name like Guido, who would've thought, huh?
FW: Yes, that is interesting.
Interviewer: Do you have any unpaid parking tickets?
FW: No. We can barely afford a bike, and you expect us to have a car?
Interviewer: Welcome to the profession. Good luck to you.

And that was that.

Today we sat through a 2 hour orientation, which talked all about how sucky being a young lawyer is, but that you should remember not to hit reply all by accident when making fun of someone at your place of employment. Also, if you are drinking before your court appearances, you likely have a problem and should seek help. If only.

And then we went up to the courhouse to take an oath to uphold the Constitution of the United States, and the Constitution of New York State. And we didn't mess up, unlike someone else we know. And then we had our second shake shack burger of the week.

So there it is folks, we are now officially Fishwatch, Esq. It has been a long journey to get to this point, so we'd like to give a shoutout to all those who made it possible, and to our reader(ship), who has been cheering us along on the journey.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Crying in the Rain

When we arose yesterday morning, we were excited and ready to go for our 10K race in The Central Park as part of our half-thon training program (which we made up ourselves, so it's nothing official or even practical, but that's ok). Instead of looking out of the window, we instead relied on people's facebook updates to inform us that it was in fact raining, and then checked the weather on the internets only to learn that it was in fact raining and would continue to do so all morning. "We can deal with a little rain," we told ourselves as we put on a cap and some water-resistant outer layers.

Well not only was it raining, but it was in fact freezing as well, but we were compelled to continue on to the start at the southwest corner of the park b/c all these people from our neighborhood were also en route (you can always pick out the race go-ers on the UES on weekend mornings, they have the same look on their face as we do -- the one that says, "this seemed like a good idea when I signed up for it, but I would really rather be in bed"). Anyway, we get on the cross-town bus and make it to the registration booth, near which, soaked bagpipers were playing tunes in honor of the "Scotland" theme of the race, which we guess someone took a little too far given the conditions. After standing in mud to get our free t-shirt, we honestly thought long and hard about going home and back to bed now that we had received our swag, but we ran into some friends who told us that they would laugh at us if we did that and who pointed out that we were already soaked, so who cares. We caved, and proceeded to run the 10K, looking absolutely ridiculous with a free Scotland themed poncho on, but ended up not feeling all that bad about it.

Except when the "cool down" period began and we were litterally shivering, and then picked up our bag which was now soaked and covered in mud, and the color of which bled into our new Scotland Run t-shirt, which is unsalvageable now. Also, we are sure the pneumonia is setting in about now, despite our taking 2 Airbornes and 1 Emergen-C's yesterday, but that is the price one must pay, we guess, to be able to update their "status updates" about how athletic, and thus desireable, they are.


Monday, March 30, 2009

Momof*ck* YES!

Well the food gods must have read our last post, since after posting it, we secured not one, but TWO reservations to the coveted restaurant Momofuku Ko. Did you read that Frank Bruni? TWO MOTHER F-ING RESY's. Wow that felt good.

Anyway, so we made our first on Sunday morning for Saturday night, after which we danced in our PJs around our living room, and bragged to everyone we knew, only to discover that our cousin's baby shower was Saturday night and not during the day. Who knew? So, we logged on Monday am to see what luck we might have on the 1980s era work computer - and lo(han) and behold - we got one for Sunday night! I mean I guess there are not that many people up for eating on Sunday night at 9:50, but after a lifetime of drinking heavily at Hiro and Park and other such Sunday night establishments, we certainly knew we could scarf down some pork and foie gras on a school night. So we cancelled the Saturday night one and headed to Long Island for some 8 course (basically) Indian food-fest, which, we must say basically rivaled Ko's level of yummyness.

But back to Ko. Since we're off the booze (and had work the next day), we had to pass on the wine pairing, which looking kind of amazing, but the food was good enough to make up for our inner semi-alcoholic yelling at us. Likes: this small biscuit thing soaked in butter and goodness, and the smoked egg with caviar and potato chips, and the sirloin in jalapeno something or the other. Dislikes - the snail sausauge was kind of yuck, but interesting we guess.

Well, since we are so good at securing this resy now, feel free to ask us to book for all y'all. Although, we wonder whether we have used up all our Ko luck. Meanwhile, chef David Chang has been named an "Agent of Change" by Rolling Stone Magazine, which is not surprising, since we kept chanting "Yes We Can" as our stomachs filled and we questioned our ability to eat anymore.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Momof**k* you.

We have now been trying daily for many months to secure a reservation at Momofuku Ko, that tiny restaurant that everyone raves about all the time and is small and hard to get into (if not secret and elite), so it must be good. Basically it involves logging into the reservation system every day at 10am, and trying your bestest to click on a time slot and confirm it in .00021332 seconds before it says “sorry, someone else has grabbed this spot.” We have found this to be virtually impossible, especially since our work computer is from circa 1988 and we swear that sometimes it is secretly dialing prodigy or AOL behind our backs to log on to the internets.

More famous writers/bloggers have blogged about this reservation struggle before, but the other night we met a total cutie who informed us that he himself had been the subject of one of these writer/blogger’s post about this very restaurant, and that he has secured many a reservation by the use of tabs and perseverance. Perseverance we have, but tabs, we asked? Yes, tabs. Now, we are very familiar with tabs since we tabbed and bound our outlines in law school like a crazy person, but never before had we considered using our leftover tabs to mark on our screen where the mouse should be to ensure a quicker clicking time and thus a coveted reservation.

Well last night we tried to mark the screen with tabs so today we would be ready, but the problem with this is we sit in open pods at work, as you may know, and so everyone walking by our desk could see us clicking “refresh” 12318298 times with tabs on our screen. We are embarrassed for ourselves. So 9:59:58 am rolls around, and we count to two and click, and click on dinner, and go to choose party of “2,” but our 1980s era mouse freezes up and instead clicks on 1. Epic fail. We could have paid $100+ to eat by ourselves, but we can do that at home with our melancholy playlist on for much cheaper. We guess we will tab again tonight and try again tomorrow. Maybe by the time we get a reservation, the recession will be over and it won’t be as painful shelling out this kind of dough.


Friday, March 13, 2009

If You Give Us Health Insurance Then Next Thing You Know We May Want Tax Benefits. THE HORROR.

According to today's New York Times:

"Gary L. Bauer, president of American Values, a conservative advocacy group, said that if Mr. Obama extended benefits to same-sex partners of federal workers, he would 'provoke a furious grass-roots reaction, reinvigorate the conservative coalition and undermine his efforts to portray himself as a moderate on social issues.'"

Really? A grass-roots movement sparked because someone wants health insurance for their spouse? People are ABSURD.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Then Again, If We Did Have Any Savings, It Would Likely Have Been in Bank Stocks...

Sorry for the delay in posting, but our parents were in town this weekend, and getting fed as much as we possibly could in 48 hours was very time consuming and left very little time for blogging. We started off the weekend eating at Teodora, a Best Lasagne winner in NY Mag’s “Best Of” issue, where we saw some friends (AR, CC) who also apparently read NY Mag. No offense to that esteemed publication, but the Lasagne at Max is half the price and half the gooeyness, so, as Jerri Blank was once told, “go with what you know.” Which is what we did the rest of the weekend -- hitting up our aunt’s cooking and South Indian Vegetarian (and Kosher!) places in Curry Hill and other such regular institutions.

The nice thing about our parents’ visits is that they used to live in the area before venturing south, so they know their way around, have friends here to keep them occupied when we slip away to go gay (our review of what it is like to be at Pieces on a Saturday night SOBER is forthcoming), and they generally do not require any baby-sitting whatsoever. But one thing they have quickly forgotten is how expensive things are here in our great urban metropolis. “You pay HOW MUCH for a haircut!?!?!” our father yelled at us as we showed up newly groomed. “I can get these sheets at the factory outlet for ½ the price” our mother said as we shopped for higher threat counts. “I can’t believe people pay this much for wine glasses” she continued as we were in the $1.00 section of Fishs Eddy. Meanwhile, a recession looms around us and our savings account stands at $0.23, so how can we really argue with such a fiscal outlook on life. Perhaps immigrant parents should have been running the Treasury Dept during the 2000s – Bear Sterns might still be around, toasting their success with 3-for-a-dollar wine glasses.


Wednesday, March 04, 2009

We Knew Not To Ask for "Rent" or "Wicked" Since We Would Have Been Shunned...

Last night we hit Marie’s Crisis (after “I’m getting the hell out of NYC” straight drinks with SH and friends). We thought we wouldn’t be up for singing anything, but of course when the songs from Company started on the out of tune piano, we really lost it and started belting about Another Hundred People and Being Alive. The best part of the evening, however, was when Malan from Project Runway spilled vodka on us and said “it’s raining vodka” and then did his Malan from Project Runway scary laugh. Some tourist then took out her video camera to document her and her gay friend’s night in NYC and Malan immediately assumed they were filming him so ran away. He then came back to join in “What I Did For Love” and “One,” natch.

But seeing him got us thinking -- when you go on a reality show to get ahead in your profession (i.e., PR, Top Chef, Make me a Supermodel, Boy Meets Boy (?)), and all the gays in NYC then know who you are and see you out, do you feel self conscious that everyone can accurately gauge your level of success in your field? We mean, we have a hard enough time making up and exaggerating how successful we are, but if everyone saw where we stood in the world of non-profit lawyering on national tv (that would be a terrible show, btw), how could we convince people (meaning love interests) we were the next best thing in public interest advocacy and thus worth dating?


Monday, March 02, 2009

Confessions of a Former Medium Alcoholic

So we are trying this thing where we don’t drink. It started because of some meds, but we liked it so much that now we are full fledged teetotalers. We are also training for this half-marathon, and find that our weekly long runs are soooo much easier when not hung over. Who knew? Also, we can go out until 3am and still wake up for Meet the Press! The best of both worlds.

At first, we really questioned our will power and thought that eating at restaurants would prove the most difficult since the sight of a glass of red wine on white tablecloth usually makes us salivate and pant, like an alcoholic Pavlovian puppy. But the ultimate test came on Saturday night, when we were in a room of 129310283 gay people at our friend’s Chelsea housewarming – and where the booze was free flowing and boys appropriately stand-offish. We usually find that we need booze in times like these to make jokes and be funny, but since we have given up being funny (for another post), it was really easy to refill our cup with the lime flavored club soda instead of vodka and ice. Mind you, we went home alone, so maybe this whole experiment is flawed. But maybe that’s because we basically spent the whole party talking about how fun not drinking is, which we think should NOT be part of the plan.

Not to mention this thing is saving us a whole slew of cash. And since we are obsessed with our monthly spending pie chart on, we are so pleased to see our “alcohol” piece reserved only for the requisite bottle of wine we have to show up places with, and not for that 6th tanqueray and tonic that we definitely didn’t need. Somehow, though, the food section of our spending pie chart is higher than normal, which makes us think we are subconsciously replacing liquor with soup dumplings. Mmmmm, soup dumplings – gotta go.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains

When we got to Pam Real Thai to meet up with TO and LH for dinner tonight, we were welcomed by balloons strewn about, flowers taped to the walls, and streamers hanging on the window, because, as luck would have it, it was Pam's [something] Anniversary, which meant 20% off everything! This made us feel a little better about being late, despite the fact, we might add, that tonight we were honored with the "most punctual" award by our tennis team. Yes, we are on a tennis team.

Anyway, this whole 20% off thing only allowed us to overeat more than we usually do at Pam Real Thai, so this meant we did NOT order a popcorn when we got to Lincoln Center for a screening of this hilarious 1981 movie, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains, starring a very young Diane Lane (see pic) and a very young, but exactly the same looking Laura Dern. Seriously, some of the fashions in this movie were amazing, and we are surely going to think long and hard about these looks again when Halloween approaches. Do you think Diane Lane in 1981 ever thought she would make such movies as Under the Tuscan Sun (which we loved), and Nights in Rodanthe (which we would never go see)? We hope not. Also, if anyone has any verification that "You Give Love a Bad Name" was actually written about Diane Lane, please do tell.

Anyway, we then arrived home to catch the Top Chef finale, which provided the best line of the season - Padma saying about Stefan's dessert - "it was pedestrian at best." You know she heard Salman Rushdie say that a few times and vowed to keep it in her arsenal for the right moment, and relished the fact that she finally got to say it in Season 5, during the finale. Well done, Padma. At least that marriage was good for something.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Did You Miss Us? Our Site Monitor Says "No."

Every time we take a hiatus from blogging, our body just doesn't feel right for some reason. Not in the "changes" way that happened when we were 12 or 13, but in a restless leg syndrome or ADD kind of way.

Maybe the problem has gotten worse recently because of the first few hundred pages of Atlas Shrugged, which we are currently reading ("to prove to yourself you're your public interest law career is a waste of time?" asked our friend's right-wing father the other night at a dinner). In it, a few of the characters have said that the worst thing in the whole entire world is a man without a purpose. Is our purpose blogging about meaningless things? Perhaps.

Anyway, since the Bar exam experience is behind us (praise Xenu!), and we opted out of taking more of them just for fun, like some of our friends in California and Mass this week, what will we talk about? This shall remain a mystery. While our devoted fan(s) and we may not have the shared experience of day to day life at law school or bar prep, there still may be things in the world that warrant commentary. Like Top Chef. Or our mother. Or the working world and how it smells bad (but that we are thankful to have a job).

This blogging thing may get difficult at some points, because at work we sit in "pods," and our boss sits directly behind us and can at any point turn around and see what is on our screen. Oftentimes this has included, gmail, Gossip Girl recaps, and fashion week reviews, so really, what is a little blogger here and there.

So get ready for another iteration of Fishwatch. We are beginning to feel like those "gay nights" that have moved around the City for the last 5 years, only to die a slow, painful, poorly attended death in the 30s on the West side. But we will try our best to keep a downtown, well-attended, open bar feel to this whole experience. Meanwhile, special shout-outs to ET and MC who are bar taking in other states this week. May the force be with y'all.