Since there are no 25 y/o's at F.U. looking to buy FishWatch for $10mil....

I know there has been a lot of talk recently about this Jared Kushner character, the 25 y/o NYU Law student who bought the New York Observer, but I am going to talk some more. As my friend FHC has pointed out, we all hoped, for the sake of our sanity and self-esteem, that this kid would be short and pimply. Sadly, however, he is in fact tall, handsome, loaded, went to Harvard, AND is Jewish. (JF almost died when I told her all this, but really died when I told her that he already has a girlfriend. Sadly for me, the "they're either gay or taken" rule has been once again been right, but in the completely wrong way.)

This all gets me thinking. Why have no tall, handsome, smart, loaded, Jewish 3Ls at F.U. offered $10 mil or so to buy FishWatch? Much like the Observer, this blog is a "great branding opportunity" with "great potential." This blog also puts out "first-rate journalism" and has been regarded "both for its journalistic integrity and irreverent wit." WHERE IS MY JARED!???!!!

With this question in mind, it is with great sadness that I have decided to follow Mr. Kushner to NYU Law School to see if FishWatch has any chance with him, or his checkbook. FishWatch will be taking most of August off (just like Parisians) for vacay, and will re-assess the brand and blog as summer comes to an end...though at this point, it seems too enmeshed in the fabric of F.U. Law to go on. But we shall see.

Thanks to all the peeps who made these past few months of blogging (and past year at F.U.) so great - CoffeeGirl, Dean T, the SBA, Anonymous Commenters, and the crazy, crazy F.U. Law community in general.

All Best,
FW

Adventures in Interning...

So it's the last week EVER of the 1L internship, and I started off the week yesterday with a bang. Please note the following conversation:

Boss: So who is the owner of this [specific piece of evidence]?
FW: That would be James.
FBI Agent: Is that the defendant's husband?
FW: No, it's her baby daddy.
Boss and Agent: (Blank Stares, no laughter)
FW: Um...he's the father of her child.

Also, I think the boss read the letter that the production company CEO sent to Lindsay Lohan about her lack of professionalism, since I found a very similar one in my inbox this morning:

Fishwatch
c/o Chateau Marmont
8221 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, CA 90046

Dear FW,

Since the commencement of your internship, you have frequently failed to do any substantial work. Yesterday, you sat in your office in silence (all day). I am now told that you don't plan to do anything substantial today because the legal issues are "too hard." You and your representatives have told us that your various mediocre memoranda have been the result of "inability to log on to Westlaw;" today we are told it is "problems with LexisNexis." We are well aware that your ongoing all day heavy gossip blog reading is the real reason for your so called "network problems." We refuse to accept bogus excuses for your behavior.

The letter goes on, but it is too painful to transcribe. The sad part is they CC'ed Prof BS of the famed externship seminar, and now I am scared I might not get the "Pass" I worked so hard for. I am going to need Dina Lohan on my side today, to help deal with the fallout. If you have her number, please send it to me.

Even with 2 or 3 wars going on in the Middle East and a major power outage in Queens, you can still count on FishWatch to read Sunday Styles....

I am sure you all caught the article in the Sunday Styles section about arts organizations courting summer associates to start the ball rolling on arts patronage. My favorite comment was by far the following:

“It’s another thing to keep summer associates happy to defray the reality of how miserable their lives are going to be,” said Cameron Stracher, a professor at New York Law School and author of “Double Billing: A Young Lawyer’s Tale of Greed, Sex, Lies, and the Pursuit of a Swivel Chair” (William Morrow, 1998). He suspects most of their patronage of the arts will consist of writing checks. “It’s like the sublimation of their true desires,” he said.

I laughed at first, really hard...but then thought of that coffee date I had with my voice teacher about a week before my F.U. deposit was due. "Don't do it," she said. "You should be auditioning. Musicals are more fun than Law School. Musicals are like summer camp. Law School...well...isn't."

I disagree. Law School is like summer camp, only it's that CTY camp my parents tried to get me to go to. Yes, you know that camp...the one for which the Indian and Korean kids in your 8th grade class took the SATs to get in.

If only I had this thing during Contracts Class...

So I am now in possession of a crystal gavel. The best parts are (a) that I now own a crystal gavel, and (b) I own something that says "Best Orarlist" on it. Note that it does not say "Oralist," rather "Orarlist." I thought maybe I had been spelling and pronouncing it wrong all this time, but I googled it, and the "did you mean...oralist" came up, and the "did you mean..." on google is never wrong. Regardless, I fully plan to bring it out to bars this weekend, and to class in the fall and bang it on the desk when I disagree with Prof Gords or Gents, but only after I bedazzle it with Swarovski Crystals for added effect.

"Orarlists" are better than "Oralists" in bed.

But by far the best part of last night was my interaction with the Honorable Judge P at the post Moo Court Final dinner, with whom I had the following conversation:

FW: Respectfully your honor, I have heard a rumor that you enjoy a certain blog about [F. U. Law].
Judge P: Yes, I do! It's a very cute blog.
FW: Well it's actually my blog, and I am really glad to know someone on the federal bench is enjoying it.
Judge P: Loved the Coffee Throwing.

Next on the list is getting members of Congress to read this thing, so contact the FW 2006 Lobbying Committee with ideas and strategies.

Don't worry, I ran over Lizzie Grubman at Star Room...

Let's just recap a little conversation I had on Friday afternoon around 4pm:

Boss: FW, why don't you come with me to court for these arraignments and maybe you can stand up on one of them. It is a great opportunity for an intern and you will benefit greatly from the experience.
FW: Um...that sounds great. But I am heading to catch a train to East Hampton with my friends. Do you know how long the ticket lines are on Friday afternoons? Have to get there early. Smell you later!

OK, OK, it didn't exactly go down like that, but pretty close. Basically the boss now shakes her head in dismay whenever we make eye contact.

I managed to get my list of 35 together yesterday morning, but found that when people asked me if such and such a firm is on my list, that I have no freaking clue. I am pretty sure that for 25-35 I just went based on if the date of their interview was on my friend's birthday or not.

Finally, I have somehow found myself in the Moo Court semifinals, and really don't know what to say. I guess my high school masterdebator skills have somehow resurfaced after a long hiatus, and that I have added the requisite "punch and pizazz" that my legal writing prof told me I needed in my writing and speaking. Obvi, the boss was shocked when I told her.

Spotlight on Alternative Journals...

In addition to the FishWatch Law Journal, there are several others around that you may not have heard about. Here are some highlights:

KV writes in that, "I've heard back from the Security Guard Journal. My first note is entitled "How to keep F.U. students out of the atrium when we host events and pretend that they don't exist." Congrats KV! I hear that the first issue this year will also include an empirical study on how many times the guards actually look up to check your ID, and its effect on the City's crime rates.

Another student writes in that she was given an offer from the Lowenstein Cafeteria Journal, which this year will feature notes about improving credit card machine approval time, the long term effects of Crystal Light, the pros and cons of dating an F.U. Undergrad, interviews with Chef Ian and Cashier Luz, and finally, the microeconomic effect on demand of LoCaf items when free cupcakes are introduced into the market.

Finally, a new journal getting off the ground this year is Alan's Law Journal. I spoke with Faculty Advisor Alan himself, and suggested inquiries into why the Balsamic vinaigrette tastes like BBQ sauce, why the price of a Naked Juice is so high, and what exactly the F.U. discount is, cause no one ever seems to get it.

These journals, however, did not fare as well as the others who get to stay in the main Law building, and thus have to deal with office space at West 60th Street. Regardless, I think we can look forward to a great year of insightful legal scholarship. Congrats to all.

Why you should never move to Brooklyn...

This afternoon at Lassen & Hennigs on Montague Street in Downtown Brooklyn, I was approached by an elderly woman who clearly spent too much time in the sun, with whom I had the following conversation:

Woman: Excuse me, are you from India?
FW: [thinking she would offer something poignant regarding the horrible bombings] Um...I am from Long Island. But I am Indian, yes.
Woman: It's just that I have a house in India, and whenever I see someone from India I just miss it soooo much.
FW: (blank stare). Huh.

In other news, Round II of Moo Court is dunzo, and I will admit that during the post argument critique, I was rebuked for my "off podium conduct." Confused at first, they went on to say that when other peeps were arguing, I twirled my pen, shuffled papers, wrote dirty, dirty notes to my partner, and made faces when the other team said something wrong. I wanted to tell them that sitting in an F.U. Law classroom without IM and my blog to keep me constantly occupied is very, very difficult, and what could they expect of me?

Finally, there is an intern in my office who started a pretty funny intern newsletter. Well it's all the rage at the office, and I must say I am feeling a little bit salty that even my boss is calling him the "hilarious intern." Since I can't say I am up for the "brilliant intern" label, the "hard- working intern" label, the "on-time intern" label, or, believe it or not, even the "best-looking intern" label, I certainly thought I had a shot at the "hilarious" one. But now I am just the intern who reminds people who have second homes in India of their property. Sad.